R.I.P Suzi, aka, Snoozie Kitty, you were a loving, snuggly kitty, we'll all miss you!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
Quintessential G: 18 Month Version
Some very awesome things about my daughter at this age that I never want to forget:
- She babbles a lot now. She talks to herself while she plays. She answers some of my questions in babble. Her babbling is sounding more and more like English, too.
- She still has her favorite words that we hear all day long. Among them are: nooooo, yeah, YUCK!, uh-oh (sometimes followed by "spcccthpppppo"= "spaghettio"), oooh (said in a wide-eyed-wonder-of-discovery voice), muumma, mow (more), dada, dah (dog), ca(cat) or key-ee (kitty), pah-tee (potty), buk (book), boh (phone, remote), joooce, EAT!, buh (bubbles), SIDE! (outside and inside), slih (slide), wuf wuf, mooooo, cuk (cluck), yeow (meow), roar, grrrrr (bear sound), see-hee (silly), boat, SHOES!, shir (shirt), sock, toes, eye, nose, ear, hair, tee (teeth), down, SHOW!, boo (blue), CIR-CLE!!, chee-os (cheerios), rororo(Row, Row, Row), eyeyeyeye (E-I-E-I-O), HOT!, SPOO! (spoon), waah (walk)...(I know I'm forgetting so many!)
- She also understands just about anything you say to her. You can almost see her mind processing it for a second after you say something, then she does it. Or does the opposite of it...It is always the opposite when you say "come here." She runs away, laughing.
- She really does like the Little People I bought her.
- She has begun singing along to familiar tunes. She has always sort of sung to herself, her own little made up melodies. But lately she has started to really sing with the "Sesame Street" theme song, nonsense songs on some of her favorite shows, especially repetitive word/sound songs like falalala or badadada. She has surprisingly good pitch. However, if you start to sing with her she stops to listen to you!
- She is also beginning to do hand motions or actions as directed by a song, such as "clap your hands", "stomp your feet", "down came the rain and washed the spider out."
- She loves to color. For some reason she has fallen in love with circles. I don't even know where she learned the word. But she knows what a circle is, she tries (unsuccessfully) to draw them herself, and she will hand you a crayon or chalk and cry "Cir-Cle!" and yell it again when you draw one for her.
- She eats with a fork and a spoon, independently and does pretty well, I have to say. She is still learning to "stab" her food with the fork, and I don't recommend giving her soup yet with a spoon. Though she does eat cereal with milk with her spoon. We change her shirt after that.
- She still loves to dance. She also likes to try to jump, especially if you egg her on by yelling "Jump!" while she does it.
- She started doing downward-dog (yoga) all by herself. We say "upside-down" when she does it and she cracks up. She waits for you go get upside-down, too. This makes her giggle even more.
- She started going down her little slide all by herself. She climbs to the top, waits for you to say "1, 2, 3, GO!" and then she scoots down, and waits for you to clap and cheer. Yeah, she's an only child.
- She likes to play with the hose. But she doesn't like it to get her wet. She whines and tries to wipe the water off.
- Recently she began giving "eskimo kisses" or "noses." She comes in for a kiss, but instead rubs noses, and then promptly giggles herself silly.
- We started a new routine before bed. Just before we put her jammies on, after her diaper is changed, we give her belly-button a "goodnight kiss" (which is more like a tickle) and then say "goodnight, belly-button!" This also cracks her up.
- She giggles. A. Lot.
- She blows kisses.
- She gives high-fives.
- She loves to play any type of musical instrument, her drum set, piano, daddy's guitar, her little flute. She'll play the drums on anything she possibly can.
- She tries to blow bubbles, and has a few times, but mostly she puts the bubble wand up to her mouth and sucks in first, thus sucking in all the bubble juice, before she tries to blow. Then when we attempt to help her get it right, she giggles and just sticks the whole bubble wand directly in her mouth, which prompts a "yuck!" and more giggles.
- Anything that is "yuck!" is super-funny.
- She is very opinionated and will tell you something is "yuck!" while handing it to you, followed by a "noooooo" and a head-shake.
- She loves to brush her teeth.
- She gives great hugs.
- She will only allow Daddy to push her on the swing. He makes her go higher than I do. I can't even attempt to put her in the swing when he's around. It prompts this:
- She can throw an major league tantrum. Complete with yelling, foot-stomping, pouty-lip protruding, turning around in little circles...and will make you think you have destroyed her will to live! Also, though not necessarily something I want to remember, but worth documenting, she whines A. Lot. more lately (nails on chalkboard type whining. Lucky us) and has become defiant. She will purposefully do things she knows are wrong to see how far she can push it. She will look at you, shake her head and say "nooo," and then do it anyway. We have had to institute "discipline" by taking away whatever she is throwing, drawing on the walls with...
- She is sleeping through the night! Hallalujah!
- She doesn't always take naps, though. I cannot get this girl to put herself down for a nap. We've instituted "quiet time" where we leave her in her crib for about an hour, even if no nap occurs. So far she has only fallen asleep once. 1 for about 6 tries. We'll keep working on it.
- She loves books. She is constantly bringing books over to be read. Especially: The Big Elmo Lift-The-Flap Book, The Monster At The End Of This Book, The Itsy-Bitsy Spider, Lost Socks, The Peek-A-Boo Series Books, any book that has Sesame St. characters in it, and her little foam puzzle book.
- Her favorite shows continue to be Blue's Clues, Jack's Big Music Show, and Sesame Street. However, SS seems to be edging out JBMS lately. Sometimes even BC!
- That said, she is more into BC than ever. She sings along with some of the songs, she does the mail-time motions, she gets excited when Steve finds clues...it's really fun to watch her get so excited!
- She is also very excited when Elmo's World begins.
Whew! That's quite a list! She just keeps growing and learning new things! I can't keep up!
Giuliana,
I am so proud of you! You are an amazing girl who makes everyone around you smile and laugh. You are so smart and quick to learn new things. You melt my heart every day with something new. I am constantly saying to Daddy "Did you see what she just did/said?" I am prouder than you will ever know to be your mama.
I love you,
Mommy
Sunday, June 28, 2009
This Is What I Live With
Guest Post today featuring a completely random and insane email my husband composed this morning to send to The Bugle, a podcast by comedians John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman. If you don't listen to this podcast...you should. Hi. Larious. Every week, among other interesting tidbits, they read emails sent in by their listeners, an admittedly odd bunch.
Dear boys,
I am sending this note off to you as fair warning that I am planning on contacting the authorities about what I believe is your terrible secret. I recently re-watched John's stand up special and took closer note to one of the things he said. John said he spent 2 years on another planet, which most of the audience took as a joke. However, I also went back and listened to #64 Appendage, at which time death threats were still being sent in. But, after his "hiatus", there were no more death threats. I believe John is using those who have threatened him as pawns for the alien race to experiment with, as part of the contract he made during those 2 years. John, while you may feel justified in sending those who threaten you to the agony of the alien's probes, it is downright mean spirited and petty. And Andy, you are equally as evil as John for those God awful puns you subject us to every week. Please, have mercy. I realize the likelihood of my surviving this unmolested is equal to cricket becoming the national pastime of the United States and taught to all of our school children from the age of 1.47 years on. Move on Andy, I'm not going to Warne* you again. Good times.
Comments on the subject matter may be directed to my husband, John. He's the crazy one. Words of sympathy and support may be sent directly to me...his long-suffering and loving wife.
* Editor's note: Shane Warne is a renowned cricket player. No one but Andy Zaltzman would get this reference.
Dear boys,
I am sending this note off to you as fair warning that I am planning on contacting the authorities about what I believe is your terrible secret. I recently re-watched John's stand up special and took closer note to one of the things he said. John said he spent 2 years on another planet, which most of the audience took as a joke. However, I also went back and listened to #64 Appendage, at which time death threats were still being sent in. But, after his "hiatus", there were no more death threats. I believe John is using those who have threatened him as pawns for the alien race to experiment with, as part of the contract he made during those 2 years. John, while you may feel justified in sending those who threaten you to the agony of the alien's probes, it is downright mean spirited and petty. And Andy, you are equally as evil as John for those God awful puns you subject us to every week. Please, have mercy. I realize the likelihood of my surviving this unmolested is equal to cricket becoming the national pastime of the United States and taught to all of our school children from the age of 1.47 years on. Move on Andy, I'm not going to Warne* you again. Good times.
Comments on the subject matter may be directed to my husband, John. He's the crazy one. Words of sympathy and support may be sent directly to me...his long-suffering and loving wife.
* Editor's note: Shane Warne is a renowned cricket player. No one but Andy Zaltzman would get this reference.
Friday, June 26, 2009
A Few More Dresses
I've looked and looked. I think I am falling in love with maxi dresses. What do you think? I also have decided I want a print with color. I think. Here are a few more contenders. I've liked some others but John has rejected them...I suppose I should take his taste into account :) He did pick me!
Help Me Shop. Please!
My sister-in-law is getting married next month and I need a dress. Here's the facts: the wedding is on a Friday evening, outside, semi-dressy, the "theme" she's going with is "Asian-fusion" whatever that means...picture lots of bamboo. I am 5'2", around a size 12-14, depending on the style. I prefer empire waist and flowy around the middle...not clingy. Also important, I will spend a good chunk of the evening running around after one very cute toddler...in the grass. So, do you have any opinions, other suggestions, tips, etc? I have so far scoured Overstock.com and come up with these contenders. I will keep my opinions to myself for now and see what you all say. Thanks in advance for your help!! I need it!
Oh, and this last one is J. Crew. Probably completely out of my preferred price range, but super-cute.
Oh, and this last one is J. Crew. Probably completely out of my preferred price range, but super-cute.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Giuliana! Look what Mommy bought for me you to play with!
So, I was innocently browsing around on eBay the other day. Always dangerous. I began looking at the Little People lots, something I had always wisely stayed away from. Let me put this simply: I think I have a problem on my hands.
It started with this:
I had this camper set when I was little. In fact, I had an entire Little People city, I think. That's where the problem begins. I loooooooooved my Little People. I had so much fun playing with all the people and the furniture, the cars, the pets...I attribute much of my brilliant imagination to all those years of Little People dramas that I acted out. So, of course, Giuliana needs her own Little People village, don't you agree?
But not just any old Little People set will do. She already has a few items I picked up here and there. A used school bus and fire truck with figurines, a few random animals that are supposed to go with a Noah's Ark set. They are great, and she plays with them. But how cool would it be if she had the same sets that I had when I was little? Very, that's how cool. Unfortunately, my mom didn't save my city of Little People. When I outgrew them (not really sure that ever happened, Mom!) she donated them to the church nursery. So, that leaves eBay.
Here's G withmy her new camper.
As if I needed proof of what a genius plan this is, she started jumping with excitement as I pulled it out of the box. She loves it. She especially loves the little potty that comes with the camper. She carries it all over, flipping the little lid up and down and saying "paah-tay!" In fact, yesterday I actually uttered the phrase "Giuliana, don't drop your potty out the mail slot." Go on, try it out. It's a fun sentence to say. I'll wait.
By the way, great accessorizing, G.
So, I have my eye on this next:
And, you know, the airport, the school house, garage, cape cod house...
It started with this:
I had this camper set when I was little. In fact, I had an entire Little People city, I think. That's where the problem begins. I loooooooooved my Little People. I had so much fun playing with all the people and the furniture, the cars, the pets...I attribute much of my brilliant imagination to all those years of Little People dramas that I acted out. So, of course, Giuliana needs her own Little People village, don't you agree?
But not just any old Little People set will do. She already has a few items I picked up here and there. A used school bus and fire truck with figurines, a few random animals that are supposed to go with a Noah's Ark set. They are great, and she plays with them. But how cool would it be if she had the same sets that I had when I was little? Very, that's how cool. Unfortunately, my mom didn't save my city of Little People. When I outgrew them (not really sure that ever happened, Mom!) she donated them to the church nursery. So, that leaves eBay.
Here's G with
As if I needed proof of what a genius plan this is, she started jumping with excitement as I pulled it out of the box. She loves it. She especially loves the little potty that comes with the camper. She carries it all over, flipping the little lid up and down and saying "paah-tay!" In fact, yesterday I actually uttered the phrase "Giuliana, don't drop your potty out the mail slot." Go on, try it out. It's a fun sentence to say. I'll wait.
By the way, great accessorizing, G.
So, I have my eye on this next:
And, you know, the airport, the school house, garage, cape cod house...
Friday, June 19, 2009
"Dinner" at IHOP
Starts off well. Coloring with Daddy. Sweet :)
Yum! Does that look good or what? She was all over it the second it arrived!
And then this is what she ate. That's right. Exactly nothing. Oh, well, excuse me. She ate the five grapes in my fruit cup and a hand full of cheerios from the stash in her diaper bag.
And this is how she ended up. Sigh.
Breaking
This week has been filling up the way most weeks have been lately. It started off pretty mellow. Monday didn't look too bad. There were phone calls to make, appointments to schedule and keep...places to go, people to see, that sort of busy.
Tuesday was sort of awful. Giuliana lost it when I dropped her off at my parents' house. Full-on tears, pouty lip, wailing. I cried all the way to work considered turning around, picking her up, calling into work, going home...but I didn't do it.
And the week just filled up from there, as it always does. Wednesday was department meeting at work. We were going to be discussing an important issue, had to be there. Yesterday we had another big, important meeting that I couldn't miss. And my sister-in-law, who works with me, had her work bridal-shower. Not to be missed!! Today I had another meeting that I scheduled. Tomorrow is full of shopping for party decorations and attending another party for two of my favorite people on the planet. Sunday is Father's Day. And everything will begin again on Monday.
And what has G's week been like? It has been typical, too. Lot's of time at Grandma's. Little time at home. Rushing, rushing every morning, every evening. Rushing with mommy to the store. Rushing with mommy to the store again. Meltdown over leaving Daddy Thursday morning.
My life is becoming too busy, too full for my comfort. I haven't taken any time for myself, for my daughter. There has been plenty of time off, unfortunately. Just not the right kind. Time off for many, many doctor's appointments here, there, and everywhere. No time to just relax, to just enjoy each other, to play.
So, today, I felt a migraine come on. I cancelled my appointment. Called into work. John only had to work a half day. G and I stayed home and played, watched tv, cuddled, ate, enjoyed. I napped while my kid napped. We are getting ready to go on a family walk. I don't even have to make dinner tonight, John said we can go out.
Tomorrow is another day. It will be busy. Full of Things To Do. But today I just couldn't do it. I couldn't keep running. Today I needed a break. It was well worth it.
Tuesday was sort of awful. Giuliana lost it when I dropped her off at my parents' house. Full-on tears, pouty lip, wailing. I cried all the way to work considered turning around, picking her up, calling into work, going home...but I didn't do it.
And the week just filled up from there, as it always does. Wednesday was department meeting at work. We were going to be discussing an important issue, had to be there. Yesterday we had another big, important meeting that I couldn't miss. And my sister-in-law, who works with me, had her work bridal-shower. Not to be missed!! Today I had another meeting that I scheduled. Tomorrow is full of shopping for party decorations and attending another party for two of my favorite people on the planet. Sunday is Father's Day. And everything will begin again on Monday.
And what has G's week been like? It has been typical, too. Lot's of time at Grandma's. Little time at home. Rushing, rushing every morning, every evening. Rushing with mommy to the store. Rushing with mommy to the store again. Meltdown over leaving Daddy Thursday morning.
My life is becoming too busy, too full for my comfort. I haven't taken any time for myself, for my daughter. There has been plenty of time off, unfortunately. Just not the right kind. Time off for many, many doctor's appointments here, there, and everywhere. No time to just relax, to just enjoy each other, to play.
So, today, I felt a migraine come on. I cancelled my appointment. Called into work. John only had to work a half day. G and I stayed home and played, watched tv, cuddled, ate, enjoyed. I napped while my kid napped. We are getting ready to go on a family walk. I don't even have to make dinner tonight, John said we can go out.
Tomorrow is another day. It will be busy. Full of Things To Do. But today I just couldn't do it. I couldn't keep running. Today I needed a break. It was well worth it.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Me, Me, Me
A few months ago everyone was posting "25 Random Things About Me" on Facebook and the blogs. I decided to wait till now, so it will seem original. Also, I couldn't think of anything interesting to blog about...
1. My full name is Kamin. It is pronounced /Ka/ (short a, like in cat) /min/ (as in miniature). I cannot begin to tell you how many people mispronounce it. I absolutely HATE all the variations that people come up with. It makes me cringe. Therefore, the day I left home for college I decided to introduce myself as “Kami” and never even reveal that that wasn’t my full name, unless specifically asked. It has made my life immensely easier.
2. Now I only have to deal with people spelling it Cammy, Cammie, Cami, Kammie, Kammee, Tammy, Tammi, Tammie, Tami…..
3. And calling me Tammy. Over and over.
4. When I was 8 or 9 I asked my mom if I could have people call me “Andrea,” which is my middle name. She said no. I was a little resentful of that since she is, and has always been, called by her middle name. For about 4 years I also seriously wished my parents had just named me “Lisa”. It’s easier.
5. I married a guy whose last name is Giglio, which people think is Gigolo, and now my last name gets butchered.
6. I think that ice cream should have it’s own mealtime…roughly 8pm. Everyday. That’s how I roll.
7. But I don’t think it should be called “4th Meal,” this weird concept Taco Bell is trying to sell us on.
“The meal between dinner and breakfast.” Then breakfast wouldn’t be “break” “fast,” now would it? Sorry, Taco Bell. You can take your “4th Meal” and sporks and pedal them somewhere else. I ain’t buyin’ it.
8. I am physically unable to leave the house without properly painted toenails. 365. Even if I’m wearing boots all day.
9. I wear flip-flops everyday between mid-March and October. I have fancy ones and plain ones. I may breakout an occasional high-heel sandal for special occasions, but I would prefer my flips.
10. I have one tattoo that I got for my 27th birthday. It was meaningful and totally spontaneous. Tattoos can be both.
11. I may get more. I already have my next one sketched out.
12. I am secretly thrilled that if I have another child I will have to option of saying “C-Section, please!” I have no intention of trying a VBAC. I am scared to death of a vaginal delivery.
13. I have not watched a t.v. show of my choosing and for my own entertainment in at least 6 months. Plenty of Noggin and Sesame Street, yes. I just find myself completely uninterested in t.v.
14. I usually have 2 or 3 books going at a time and one or two magazines on top of that. I could read all day, no problem.
15. I absolutely hate winter. I find nothing good or redeeming about it. I get cranky when people try to defend it.
16. I am so glad I have a spring birthday.
17. The calendar technically says my birthday, March 7th, is still winter. The calendar is wrong. Spring begins in March and ends on Memorial Day. Everyone knows this.
18. My husband likes to dispute the above fact. He is wrong.
19. My husband calls my arguments “Kami Logic” which he equates with “crazy.” I think “Kami Logic” is just the golden truth.
20. I lost the engagement ring John gave me in the ocean a few years ago. If you find a solitaire on the beach somewhere in Delaware, it’s probably mine. He loves me so much he replaced it with a ring with a lot more diamonds. I love it, but I miss the original.
21. I love Italian food. I love my Italian in-laws Italian food. But I don’t like plain lasagna. I think it should have meat, maybe some veggies, many types of cheese…thick, gooey, chunky, saucy. Now I’m hungry.
22. My daughter is only ¼ Italian, but I honestly don’t think she could have a more Italian name. She’ll probably marry someone named O’Patrick or Krishnakwanza or something.
23. Speaking of my daughter’s name, my mother thinks it’s funny that though I lament my own first name (see 1-4) I gave Giuliana a name that is both difficult to spell and to pronounce when you read it. (It’s pronounced “/Julie/ /ah/ /na/” by the way.) I think it is a beautiful name and wouldn’t have spelled it any other way. She can choose to be called any variation of it or one of her two middle names later if she wants. But it would break my heart because I love her name.
24. I don’t like olives. I think they’re gross. I used to hate mushrooms, asparagus, and broccoli too. But now I like all three. I also used to hate cherries. Not anymore. But olives will NEVER grow on me.
25. I secretly think my kid is cuter than your’s. Sorry.
1. My full name is Kamin. It is pronounced /Ka/ (short a, like in cat) /min/ (as in miniature). I cannot begin to tell you how many people mispronounce it. I absolutely HATE all the variations that people come up with. It makes me cringe. Therefore, the day I left home for college I decided to introduce myself as “Kami” and never even reveal that that wasn’t my full name, unless specifically asked. It has made my life immensely easier.
2. Now I only have to deal with people spelling it Cammy, Cammie, Cami, Kammie, Kammee, Tammy, Tammi, Tammie, Tami…..
3. And calling me Tammy. Over and over.
4. When I was 8 or 9 I asked my mom if I could have people call me “Andrea,” which is my middle name. She said no. I was a little resentful of that since she is, and has always been, called by her middle name. For about 4 years I also seriously wished my parents had just named me “Lisa”. It’s easier.
5. I married a guy whose last name is Giglio, which people think is Gigolo, and now my last name gets butchered.
6. I think that ice cream should have it’s own mealtime…roughly 8pm. Everyday. That’s how I roll.
7. But I don’t think it should be called “4th Meal,” this weird concept Taco Bell is trying to sell us on.
“The meal between dinner and breakfast.” Then breakfast wouldn’t be “break” “fast,” now would it? Sorry, Taco Bell. You can take your “4th Meal” and sporks and pedal them somewhere else. I ain’t buyin’ it.
8. I am physically unable to leave the house without properly painted toenails. 365. Even if I’m wearing boots all day.
9. I wear flip-flops everyday between mid-March and October. I have fancy ones and plain ones. I may breakout an occasional high-heel sandal for special occasions, but I would prefer my flips.
10. I have one tattoo that I got for my 27th birthday. It was meaningful and totally spontaneous. Tattoos can be both.
11. I may get more. I already have my next one sketched out.
12. I am secretly thrilled that if I have another child I will have to option of saying “C-Section, please!” I have no intention of trying a VBAC. I am scared to death of a vaginal delivery.
13. I have not watched a t.v. show of my choosing and for my own entertainment in at least 6 months. Plenty of Noggin and Sesame Street, yes. I just find myself completely uninterested in t.v.
14. I usually have 2 or 3 books going at a time and one or two magazines on top of that. I could read all day, no problem.
15. I absolutely hate winter. I find nothing good or redeeming about it. I get cranky when people try to defend it.
16. I am so glad I have a spring birthday.
17. The calendar technically says my birthday, March 7th, is still winter. The calendar is wrong. Spring begins in March and ends on Memorial Day. Everyone knows this.
18. My husband likes to dispute the above fact. He is wrong.
19. My husband calls my arguments “Kami Logic” which he equates with “crazy.” I think “Kami Logic” is just the golden truth.
20. I lost the engagement ring John gave me in the ocean a few years ago. If you find a solitaire on the beach somewhere in Delaware, it’s probably mine. He loves me so much he replaced it with a ring with a lot more diamonds. I love it, but I miss the original.
21. I love Italian food. I love my Italian in-laws Italian food. But I don’t like plain lasagna. I think it should have meat, maybe some veggies, many types of cheese…thick, gooey, chunky, saucy. Now I’m hungry.
22. My daughter is only ¼ Italian, but I honestly don’t think she could have a more Italian name. She’ll probably marry someone named O’Patrick or Krishnakwanza or something.
23. Speaking of my daughter’s name, my mother thinks it’s funny that though I lament my own first name (see 1-4) I gave Giuliana a name that is both difficult to spell and to pronounce when you read it. (It’s pronounced “/Julie/ /ah/ /na/” by the way.) I think it is a beautiful name and wouldn’t have spelled it any other way. She can choose to be called any variation of it or one of her two middle names later if she wants. But it would break my heart because I love her name.
24. I don’t like olives. I think they’re gross. I used to hate mushrooms, asparagus, and broccoli too. But now I like all three. I also used to hate cherries. Not anymore. But olives will NEVER grow on me.
25. I secretly think my kid is cuter than your’s. Sorry.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
The Universe Is On Notice
Alright, Universe. That's just about enough out of you. Let me make this very clear: I am NOT potty-training my 18 month old! I don't care how many other people are potty-training, how many emails about potty-training you send me out of the blue, how many hand-me-down potties friends give me, how many random conversations about potty-training you throw in my path, or how many unsolicited free dvds about potty-training you mail me. I may discuss it with my mother (hey, she brought it up, not me!), and we may decide to start encouraging Giuliana to tell us when she needs a diaper change. I may even get said hand-me-down potty out of the attic and put it in the bathroom. But I am NOT potty-training my 18 month old! So lay off, Universe! I have had enough potty related materials and conversations in the last week to last me for a while. Thank you.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
"Just Like Your Mother..."
Somewhere, deep in my heart, where the doubt and fear couldn't touch it, I always knew I would one day have a daughter. Yes, I went through mild panic and anxiety around age 30 that I would not be able to have kids, that my body would deny me and betray me, that I would run out of time. But deep, deep down, when I pictured my future, and didn't let those fears intrude, there was always a child, a girl, in my life.
I would picture myself combing long hair into pigtails.
I could see myself getting the bride ready for her wedding.
I envisioned myself elderly, talking about important lessons I wanted to pass on to my adult daughter.
The moment I found out I was pregnant I knew in my heart I had my daughter, at last. I never once thought I was carrying a boy. I just knew I was meant to have this girl.
I don't know if I will have any other children. I think there may be one more meant for our family. I still have those fears that my body will not cooperate again, that it will yet deny me. And if it is not meant to be, if it doesn't work out, it's ok. Because I have been blessed beyond words with this beautiful girl. The girl of my heart's dreams. She is forever mine.
And, boy oh boy, is she mine. Her personality takes shape and becomes a little stronger every day. And, uh...it's becoming evident that, in a lot of ways, she is just like me. In fact, John finds himself telling Giuliana, somewhat chagrined, that she is acting "just like your mother" several times a day.
To John's dismay she is not easily distracted. Just like me. He tries to tickle her while she is coloring and she squirms and giggles, but keeps right on coloring. Hmmmm.
She is becoming very particular about where things are "supposed to go." I have noticed that she and I are at odds about where a particular candle is "supposed to go" on the front porch. I move it to the window ledge. She runs right out and moves it back to the little table. I wait till she's not looking and put it back on the window ledge. She seems to have radar and runs out to put it back on the table again. Uh oh.
My mother has remarked how she seems to be a fearless adventurer, as I was. She will tromp bravely through weeds taller than her head, dash through mud puddles without hesitation, and climb whatever she deems climbable.
Giuliana had her 18 month check-up today and came to work with John and I this morning. I brought her crayons and a coloring book to keep her occupied, her new favorite thing. When I returned to my office later in the day, after the doctor visit and dropping G off at my mom's, I noticed a stray crayon on the floor. I picked it up and put it with my purse so I would remember to take it home with her other crayons. John walked in a little later, noticed it, and asked why I had a crayon. "Giuliana left it," I said, "I have to take it home. Blizzard Blue, it's an important one." John replied, half jokingly, "well, she'd notice if it were gone. If she's like her mother, she'd notice." Exactly.
These similarities make me laugh, and they make my heart smile. There's no denying her, she's mine. I know that someday, because we are so much a like, we will probably butt heads and drive each other crazy. I know there will be a (long) time when I will NOT be her favorite person. So I cherish each silly mommy-like trait that I see today. And I love that I am one of her two favorite people right now. I will always be so thankful that I have been blessed with this child, my daughter. It was meant to be.
I would picture myself combing long hair into pigtails.
I could see myself getting the bride ready for her wedding.
I envisioned myself elderly, talking about important lessons I wanted to pass on to my adult daughter.
The moment I found out I was pregnant I knew in my heart I had my daughter, at last. I never once thought I was carrying a boy. I just knew I was meant to have this girl.
I don't know if I will have any other children. I think there may be one more meant for our family. I still have those fears that my body will not cooperate again, that it will yet deny me. And if it is not meant to be, if it doesn't work out, it's ok. Because I have been blessed beyond words with this beautiful girl. The girl of my heart's dreams. She is forever mine.
And, boy oh boy, is she mine. Her personality takes shape and becomes a little stronger every day. And, uh...it's becoming evident that, in a lot of ways, she is just like me. In fact, John finds himself telling Giuliana, somewhat chagrined, that she is acting "just like your mother" several times a day.
To John's dismay she is not easily distracted. Just like me. He tries to tickle her while she is coloring and she squirms and giggles, but keeps right on coloring. Hmmmm.
She is becoming very particular about where things are "supposed to go." I have noticed that she and I are at odds about where a particular candle is "supposed to go" on the front porch. I move it to the window ledge. She runs right out and moves it back to the little table. I wait till she's not looking and put it back on the window ledge. She seems to have radar and runs out to put it back on the table again. Uh oh.
My mother has remarked how she seems to be a fearless adventurer, as I was. She will tromp bravely through weeds taller than her head, dash through mud puddles without hesitation, and climb whatever she deems climbable.
Giuliana had her 18 month check-up today and came to work with John and I this morning. I brought her crayons and a coloring book to keep her occupied, her new favorite thing. When I returned to my office later in the day, after the doctor visit and dropping G off at my mom's, I noticed a stray crayon on the floor. I picked it up and put it with my purse so I would remember to take it home with her other crayons. John walked in a little later, noticed it, and asked why I had a crayon. "Giuliana left it," I said, "I have to take it home. Blizzard Blue, it's an important one." John replied, half jokingly, "well, she'd notice if it were gone. If she's like her mother, she'd notice." Exactly.
These similarities make me laugh, and they make my heart smile. There's no denying her, she's mine. I know that someday, because we are so much a like, we will probably butt heads and drive each other crazy. I know there will be a (long) time when I will NOT be her favorite person. So I cherish each silly mommy-like trait that I see today. And I love that I am one of her two favorite people right now. I will always be so thankful that I have been blessed with this child, my daughter. It was meant to be.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
It's Random Picture Time
My Peonies! This is the first year I've had flowers. I started these from little sticks the year we moved into our house.
A Fork!! She's using a fork...on her own, and appropriately. This chick never stops amazing me.
Ummm, can you get any cuter than little-bitty pigtails? No. You can't. She just proved it.
Daddy narrating a favorite book.
Playing in the garden at my parents' house.
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First play date with her second cousin (?? my cousin's daughter?) Addison at my parents' house.
Friday, June 5, 2009
You've Got To Be Kidding Me. Really?
Today I am officially the Mother of a Toddler. Giuliana is 18 months old. That seems completely unbelievable to me. But that is not the subject of this post.
Oh, no. The subject today is the sheer insanity* that is going on around me. I expected that things would begin to get a little hairy as G morphed from Baby to Toddler. We have entered The Whining. We have Little Miss Independent. She has become The Stair Master. She believes sleep is for babies and that Blue's Clues should be on TV 24 hours a day for her pleasure. All typical, I suppose. She has even recently been holding herself and saying "uh-oh" when she has a wet diaper. I thought, cool, she's pretty young to make that association, good for her. Potty Training, however, had not even ENTERED MY MIND YET**.
Not so for my friends, though. My sister-in-law, Gina, is in the midst of PT my 2 1/2 year old nephew, Dante. Good for them. My other sister-in-law, Kristin, just began PT my 3 year old nephew, Brayden. Wonderful! Awesome.
And then, the crazy started. My friend Keisha has recently been discussing on Facebook how her daughter, Abigail, wants to start using the potty like her big sister. Abigail. Is. 15. Months. Old.
And Kristin, my sister-in-law? Says her daughter, Payton, wants to learn to use the potty like her big brother. Payton is a whooping 22 months old. 4 months older than G. Excuse me. What? Potty Training. POTTY TRAINING?!?
I have not even begun to consider potty training. Hell, I'm still sweating over the whole bottle weening issue. We decided to hold off on that, waiting till G tells us the time is right. And that pretty much sums up my parenting philosophy: procrastinate. Ummm, I mean, listen to your child. So, that is the track we will be taking with this PT deal, too. G will let us know when she's ready. Hopefully she'll be ready sometime before her 10th birthday. I hear they frown on un-trained middle schoolers.
John and I were taking a leisurely stroll around the Upper East Side on Wednesday morning, trying to find some breakfast before his doctor's appointment. There, in a book store window, prominently displayed, was this classic:
Yes, they do. But I didn't know Everyone Poops into the potty before their 2nd birthday. Toddlerhood? Is going to be interesting.
* Keisha and Kristin: You two totally rock. I am not mocking you. Just amazed. A-Mazed.
** Really, people, just to clarify: I am NOT sweating potty-training yet. Simply shocked, SHOCKED I TELL YOU, that it seems to be rearing it's head at me lately. Go away, PT, we'll visit next year. Maybe.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Separation Anxiety
I dropped my daughter off at my mother's house this morning, per our normal routine. She (my daughter...although maybe my mom, too, I don't know) was in a fantastic mood today. She was giggling and cuddling and just generally breaking my heart. I gave her extra hugs and goodbye kisses. And she, that little sweetness, blew me kisses at the door...her "new thing."
I won't see her again till tomorrow night. John and I are "on the road again" to NYC for another doctor's appointment. We will leave tonight after work and drive down to stay over-night with his gracious cousins in Brooklyn. Then we will head into the City tomorrow morning and drive home afterward. This is a trip I am quite sick of taking. But, this doctor, the pain specialist, seems to be helping John a little. So we will go. And we will leave G behind with Grandma and Grandpa.
I am slightly more anxious this time away from her. I hate that in her short 18 month old life I have had to spend far more nights away from her than I would prefer. And I know that I am still so much luckier than some mothers who have to endure long separations from their children due to illness, war, family disputes, and any number of other traumatic events. There have been the nights away in NYC. The nights that John was in the hospital and it was just easier to have her stay at a grandparents' house so I could stay at the hospital late and go back early. And there have been the nights when we have chosen to have her stay with someone so that we can have "a night off, a night to ourselves," necessary, and enjoyed, but there is always that part of my heart that just can't settle down, can't stop feeling like a vital part is missing.
I am more apprehensive today because we had a bad experience on Sunday. I took her to the nursery at church for the first time. Normally we keep her with us during the service. We sit in the back and bring quiet toys for her. She can get a little loud, but the wonderful folks at our church don't seem to mind. But Sunday we decided that maybe it would be best to give the nursery a try. I took her down and she was the only kid there. The nursery lady, Julie, seems wonderful and was delighted to have G. I stayed for several minutes and played with toys. G acted a little clingy when I left, but I gave her kisses and waved goodbye and she seemed ok. I stood out in the hall for several minutes as Julie played with her. I went back to the pew and nudged John, told him he should go check on her soon. And I fretted. I worried that she might be unhappy. I had horrible thoughts about Julie and what I don't know about her. I didn't pay a lick of attention to the sermon, I can tell you that.
John went down to check on her after the sermon was over. He came back up with her a few minutes later. As soon as she saw me, her little chin began to tremble and then she burst out sobbing. I took her, and she was literally wracked with tears. She was crying so hard she couldn't catch her breath. I took her to the side room and walked around, hugging her, shushing her, singing, just trying to get her to settle down. She finally did, but she kept doing that little sobby inhale every few minutes, shaking a little. That girl was scared to death. And I felt completely, 100% awful.
John said she burst into tears the minute she saw him come in the nursery door. I don't know if she just thought she would never see us again, or didn't understand what was going on, or what. I just felt so horrible that I caused her that much fear and anxiety. She was only down there for 15 minutes at the most, and I know it had to happen sometime. But, still. It was awful.
And now I need to leave her again. And she won't understand why. She won't know for sure that I'm coming back soon. And though she'll be with Grandma, and thank God for that, she won't be with me.
I well and truly H.A.T.E this part of parenting. The leaving. The separation. It just feels so unnatural to me. Everyday. Still. I feel a little guilty, a little heart-broken when I drop her off in the morning. Throughout the day I get twinges of my own separation anxiety. I constantly feel like I am walking around with hole in my chest, or missing a limb. Just not all there. Not all right. (Insert lame joke here...) When, exactly, does this become easier? When do I stop missing her every moment that she isn't with me? When do I become grateful for the babysitter to come over for an evening, the school bus to roll up on the first day of school, the friend who says "go shopping or get a pedicure, I'll watch her for a while"?
I admit that sometimes I really DO need a break. This child, though wonderful, is not always sweet and charming. She can be whiny. She can be loud. She can get on my nerves a little bit. And sometimes, as much as I would like to play, or even cuddle, there are moments that I just WANT TO BE ALONE, or read a chapter in a book, or go online for a few minutes. I need those times, just like anyone else. But as soon as they are handed to me I feel sad and I miss her. It's not even a guilty feeling, really. I know it's normal to need a break from your kids. It's just more like I get so few moments with her that I don't want to loose a single one. Even when I need a break. Does that make any sense? How long does this separation anxiety last?
I won't see her again till tomorrow night. John and I are "on the road again" to NYC for another doctor's appointment. We will leave tonight after work and drive down to stay over-night with his gracious cousins in Brooklyn. Then we will head into the City tomorrow morning and drive home afterward. This is a trip I am quite sick of taking. But, this doctor, the pain specialist, seems to be helping John a little. So we will go. And we will leave G behind with Grandma and Grandpa.
I am slightly more anxious this time away from her. I hate that in her short 18 month old life I have had to spend far more nights away from her than I would prefer. And I know that I am still so much luckier than some mothers who have to endure long separations from their children due to illness, war, family disputes, and any number of other traumatic events. There have been the nights away in NYC. The nights that John was in the hospital and it was just easier to have her stay at a grandparents' house so I could stay at the hospital late and go back early. And there have been the nights when we have chosen to have her stay with someone so that we can have "a night off, a night to ourselves," necessary, and enjoyed, but there is always that part of my heart that just can't settle down, can't stop feeling like a vital part is missing.
I am more apprehensive today because we had a bad experience on Sunday. I took her to the nursery at church for the first time. Normally we keep her with us during the service. We sit in the back and bring quiet toys for her. She can get a little loud, but the wonderful folks at our church don't seem to mind. But Sunday we decided that maybe it would be best to give the nursery a try. I took her down and she was the only kid there. The nursery lady, Julie, seems wonderful and was delighted to have G. I stayed for several minutes and played with toys. G acted a little clingy when I left, but I gave her kisses and waved goodbye and she seemed ok. I stood out in the hall for several minutes as Julie played with her. I went back to the pew and nudged John, told him he should go check on her soon. And I fretted. I worried that she might be unhappy. I had horrible thoughts about Julie and what I don't know about her. I didn't pay a lick of attention to the sermon, I can tell you that.
John went down to check on her after the sermon was over. He came back up with her a few minutes later. As soon as she saw me, her little chin began to tremble and then she burst out sobbing. I took her, and she was literally wracked with tears. She was crying so hard she couldn't catch her breath. I took her to the side room and walked around, hugging her, shushing her, singing, just trying to get her to settle down. She finally did, but she kept doing that little sobby inhale every few minutes, shaking a little. That girl was scared to death. And I felt completely, 100% awful.
John said she burst into tears the minute she saw him come in the nursery door. I don't know if she just thought she would never see us again, or didn't understand what was going on, or what. I just felt so horrible that I caused her that much fear and anxiety. She was only down there for 15 minutes at the most, and I know it had to happen sometime. But, still. It was awful.
And now I need to leave her again. And she won't understand why. She won't know for sure that I'm coming back soon. And though she'll be with Grandma, and thank God for that, she won't be with me.
I well and truly H.A.T.E this part of parenting. The leaving. The separation. It just feels so unnatural to me. Everyday. Still. I feel a little guilty, a little heart-broken when I drop her off in the morning. Throughout the day I get twinges of my own separation anxiety. I constantly feel like I am walking around with hole in my chest, or missing a limb. Just not all there. Not all right. (Insert lame joke here...) When, exactly, does this become easier? When do I stop missing her every moment that she isn't with me? When do I become grateful for the babysitter to come over for an evening, the school bus to roll up on the first day of school, the friend who says "go shopping or get a pedicure, I'll watch her for a while"?
I admit that sometimes I really DO need a break. This child, though wonderful, is not always sweet and charming. She can be whiny. She can be loud. She can get on my nerves a little bit. And sometimes, as much as I would like to play, or even cuddle, there are moments that I just WANT TO BE ALONE, or read a chapter in a book, or go online for a few minutes. I need those times, just like anyone else. But as soon as they are handed to me I feel sad and I miss her. It's not even a guilty feeling, really. I know it's normal to need a break from your kids. It's just more like I get so few moments with her that I don't want to loose a single one. Even when I need a break. Does that make any sense? How long does this separation anxiety last?
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