This little girl here, even smeared in spaghetti sauce and chocolate pudding, is my heart. She is the largest part of my soul embodied, walking around outside of my body. I would give my life for her, in a heartbeat. She is my future.
But day by day she is becoming, or perhaps I'm just realizing, her very own person. She is NOT a part of me, not really. She is a separate and unique being. She makes decisions without me. She goes places I don't go. She has thoughts and reactions I don't like. She is Giuliana, her very own.
Oh, she has so many wonderful qualities. She's so brilliant. Very funny and silly. Adorable in every way. She is loving and affectionate. She's creative. I don't want you to get the idea I'm not aware of all of these things. I truly am. And I love her more than I ever would have believed possible. But this girl, she has me at a loss...already. I'm honestly a bit nervous for her teenage years. She's becoming quite a handful.
She's two, and I know that. I'm sure that a lot of what I'm seeing these days can be attributed to that fact. I've read about sweet little babies morphing into wild aliens on their second birthday. I guess I just didn't think it would happen to me.
But more than that, I feel like I'm discovering certain aspects of her personality that trouble me. I fear for her a little bit. It seems she has an independent streak a mile long. She wants to do EVERYTHING herself. She does not want anyone to come near her while she tries to do whatever it is, and, tonight, she didn't even want us to look at her. She does not handle instruction AT ALL. I mean it, at. all. You can't show this girl anything. She expects that she knows how to do it and can and will do it herself, even if she's never even seen the thing done before.
Exhibit A: Tumbling Class. If you follow me on Facebook you know I recently signed Giuliana and I up for a Mommy and Me toddler tumbling class. We began on Saturday. Now, the major reason I decided to enroll us in this class was not for the exercise, not from some desire for G to become a gold-medal gymnast, not even so much for the opportunity to be around other kids (though that was definitely a factor.) My motivation was largely to get this kid in some sort of mildly structured environment so she begins to develop an understanding of how to listen, how to behave when someone is teaching her how to do something. I've also recently begun investigating preschool options and I had a revelation the other day. Holy Crap. If I don't start now with helping her learn how to behave in a class setting, she's going to shove a glue stick up the nose of the first teacher who tries to help her make a collage.
So, tumbling class. It went predictably. Giuliana was bouncing on her trampoline when it was time to leave the house. I'd prepped her all morning, but of course she didn't want to stop bouncing and go the gym. Cue screaming and crying. Ok, I get her in the car, I talk up how much fun we're going to have. She calms down. We arrive. She's shy and nervous at first. But then we enter the gymnasium and she eyeballs all the fun equipment.
"I do! I do it! I do the tunnel!!" She skips asking, heads straight for whining. It went downhill from there. We attempted to sit in a circle with the other kids and their parents and the instructor and do some easy stretches. She wanted nothing to do with it. She would NOT let anyone show her how to do a somersault. She refused to allow anyone to teach her how to hang on the bar. She didn't want to do the obstacle course, she only wanted to climb through the tunnel. And she was whining and stomping her little feet the whole time to a chorus of "I do it, I do it!!"
The part that breaks my heart a little bit is that the few times I coaxed her into listening and she actually tried something she was so proud of herself. She bent down and touched her toes with all the other kids and her face just lit up. She jumped and smiled and beamed pride. But she wouldn't repeat it. It wasn't her agenda.
The other part that breaks my heart? When she can't do something. She seems to think and expect that she knows how to do everything. All by herself. No help required. But, well, she's two. So obviously she can't. And she is so easily disappointed in herself. She bursts into tears, the whining dissolves to wailing, "I can't do it, Mommy. I can't do it. I never ever do it. I sorry I can't do it." She's so very hard on herself.
These are the personality traits I fear. Yes I know that it's typical for little kids to want to do things themselves, to be stubborn and never want to do anything according to Mommy's plan. But this insane NEED to be completely independent, this over-the-top expectation of herself scares me. I worry she's going to have a rough time of it. And I have absolutely no idea how to help her. I've tried giving her a wide berth, lots of time to try to do things herself before I ultimately have to help her. I've tried setting a short time limit and letting her know I'm going to help her after a certain amount of time. I've tried the 1, 2, 3 trick. I've gotten stern when the tantrum gets out of hand. None of it has made a bit of difference. She decides she wants to do something and she starts yelling and whining about doing it herself, before anyone has said a word contradicting her. She dissolves into a stomping, tantruming mess and doesn't even try to do whatever it is she wants to do, she just argues. Even when no one is arguing. Sometimes I can say "Go ahead, you can do it" enough times that she actually tries/does it. But often she just keeps it up and I end up having to step in. And of course that never ends well.
I just don't know what to do next. I feel like I'm missing a puzzle piece. There's something here I'm not getting. If I could only figure it out I could make things so much easier for her. So, friends, I'm asking for your advice. How do I help little G help herself? How do I structure her day/my requests so she can be successful and feel good about herself? Help!
