I’d forgotten (repressed?) just how truly horrible, no fun, insanity-inducing and nerve-wracking the “two week wait” is. Living under a magnifying glass and examining every real or completely imagined “symptom” 100 different ways. Googling random twinges and cravings to see if they may give you a hint. Working yourself up into a total state of hysteria convinced it finally happened and then ridiculing yourself for being a twit…way too soon to know, duh!
Or is it just me?
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
Birthdays and Mansions and Nana, Oh My!
We had a great weekend.
Saturday morning I got up early and played with G. A little later I went for coffee and had a lovely time with a very cute (and pregnant, yippee!) friend…just the two of us, over coffee, on a Saturday morning! So Adult and stuff! Obviously, I don’t get enough of that in my life. Later Saturday afternoon my little family went shopping for birthday gifts for my 5 and 6 year old nieces (toy shopping! more fun!) and then decided to go out to eat (because even after that rant the other day, I didn’t feel like cooking…it’s a woman’s prerogative, shut up!) On Sunday we went to see my sister-in-law’s new house. Ummm, “Enchanted Fairytale Mansion” is not hyperbole in this case. The place is freaking HUGE and manse-like. From there it was over to Nana’s house for Sunday dinner and the birthday bash for the two little girls. Then home again for some football, baseball, crazy sugar-hyped toddler play (and a migraine, but we shall not discuss that) and bed.
The cutest part was the absolute transformation in Giuliana when she was around her cousins and her Nana. She was sorely missing her Nana on Saturday. G’s Nana is a World-Traveler. She goes on these exotic trips 2 or 3 times a year. This time it was Nimibia. For real, I’m not making this up. So G hasn’t seen her weeks (well, she saw her at the Pirate Dance Party last week, but with all the craziness there it wasn’t what she needed, I guess.) She kept wishing and hoping we were going to see Nana all day on Saturday. She actually started crying just before we went out to dinner and when I asked her what was wrong she just said, “Naaaaaaanaaaaa!” Clearly, even if it hadn’t been planned, a visit to Nana’s was in order.
And it was exactly what she needed. As I mentioned, before we headed over to Nana’s house we stopped by John’s sister’s new house. They were completing their final walk-through to close on Tuesday. You may remember that Gina was married this summer and she and her husband created this beautiful (and giant) blended family. But this (giant) family) has had to squeeze into Gina’s small house for the last several months as the mortgage process on the new house has been dragging along. Finally! Finally they are going to close on their new, big, Great Gatsby-style house. So we went to see it. Giuliana went a little nuts running around this ginormous empty house with her cousins. They raced around all four floors, in and out of rooms, up and down both the grand staircase and the “secret stairs” and all around the yard (or “The Grounds” as I insist on calling it.) She ran room to room shouting “Daaaaaaaaaaaaantttteeeeeeee, are you?????” as she and her cousin Dante played a toddler version of hide and seek. They danced and twirled on the dance floor in the basement. She ran circles around the fairy-tale “talking trees” outside, crunching through the beautiful fallen leaves (these trees have ceramic faces hung on them, in a slightly creepy but cool enchanted forest kind of way.) It was awesome. When Nana arrived a little later, G was so geared up she squealed and ran to hug Nana’s legs in her delight.
We all trooped back to Nana’s house and Giulana continued to run wild with her cousins. She had a fantastic time. She played “scary ghost” with 6 year old Sophia, running up to her and yelling “Boo!” to Sophia’s shrieks of mock terror. She climbed behind an armchair and giggled until someone walked by at which time she would jump up and shout at them. We got to sing “Happy Birthday” and blow out real candles on a real cake, just like we have been practicing at home. (G has a new favorite game. There is a picture of me from my 30th birthday blowing out the candles on my cake. G loves to dig through the photo album and find this picture. Then we sing “Happy Birthday” to whoever she chooses and then pretend to blow out the candles and cheer. Repeat, repeat, repeat.) And, of course, then we ate the cake…hence the sugar-hyped toddler previously mentioned.
It was a grand weekend. I absolutely adore seeing Giuliana so excited to see her family. She just has the best time with all of them. These are the moments I cherish.
Saturday morning I got up early and played with G. A little later I went for coffee and had a lovely time with a very cute (and pregnant, yippee!) friend…just the two of us, over coffee, on a Saturday morning! So Adult and stuff! Obviously, I don’t get enough of that in my life. Later Saturday afternoon my little family went shopping for birthday gifts for my 5 and 6 year old nieces (toy shopping! more fun!) and then decided to go out to eat (because even after that rant the other day, I didn’t feel like cooking…it’s a woman’s prerogative, shut up!) On Sunday we went to see my sister-in-law’s new house. Ummm, “Enchanted Fairytale Mansion” is not hyperbole in this case. The place is freaking HUGE and manse-like. From there it was over to Nana’s house for Sunday dinner and the birthday bash for the two little girls. Then home again for some football, baseball, crazy sugar-hyped toddler play (and a migraine, but we shall not discuss that) and bed.
The cutest part was the absolute transformation in Giuliana when she was around her cousins and her Nana. She was sorely missing her Nana on Saturday. G’s Nana is a World-Traveler. She goes on these exotic trips 2 or 3 times a year. This time it was Nimibia. For real, I’m not making this up. So G hasn’t seen her weeks (well, she saw her at the Pirate Dance Party last week, but with all the craziness there it wasn’t what she needed, I guess.) She kept wishing and hoping we were going to see Nana all day on Saturday. She actually started crying just before we went out to dinner and when I asked her what was wrong she just said, “Naaaaaaanaaaaa!” Clearly, even if it hadn’t been planned, a visit to Nana’s was in order.
And it was exactly what she needed. As I mentioned, before we headed over to Nana’s house we stopped by John’s sister’s new house. They were completing their final walk-through to close on Tuesday. You may remember that Gina was married this summer and she and her husband created this beautiful (and giant) blended family. But this (giant) family) has had to squeeze into Gina’s small house for the last several months as the mortgage process on the new house has been dragging along. Finally! Finally they are going to close on their new, big, Great Gatsby-style house. So we went to see it. Giuliana went a little nuts running around this ginormous empty house with her cousins. They raced around all four floors, in and out of rooms, up and down both the grand staircase and the “secret stairs” and all around the yard (or “The Grounds” as I insist on calling it.) She ran room to room shouting “Daaaaaaaaaaaaantttteeeeeeee, are you?????” as she and her cousin Dante played a toddler version of hide and seek. They danced and twirled on the dance floor in the basement. She ran circles around the fairy-tale “talking trees” outside, crunching through the beautiful fallen leaves (these trees have ceramic faces hung on them, in a slightly creepy but cool enchanted forest kind of way.) It was awesome. When Nana arrived a little later, G was so geared up she squealed and ran to hug Nana’s legs in her delight.
We all trooped back to Nana’s house and Giulana continued to run wild with her cousins. She had a fantastic time. She played “scary ghost” with 6 year old Sophia, running up to her and yelling “Boo!” to Sophia’s shrieks of mock terror. She climbed behind an armchair and giggled until someone walked by at which time she would jump up and shout at them. We got to sing “Happy Birthday” and blow out real candles on a real cake, just like we have been practicing at home. (G has a new favorite game. There is a picture of me from my 30th birthday blowing out the candles on my cake. G loves to dig through the photo album and find this picture. Then we sing “Happy Birthday” to whoever she chooses and then pretend to blow out the candles and cheer. Repeat, repeat, repeat.) And, of course, then we ate the cake…hence the sugar-hyped toddler previously mentioned.
It was a grand weekend. I absolutely adore seeing Giuliana so excited to see her family. She just has the best time with all of them. These are the moments I cherish.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Masquerade
I’ve been pretending lately. Pretending to be a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM). And I like it.
Last week, I didn’t have to go to work on Monday because we were closed for Columbus Day (I know, hate me if you want.) I had to go out of town overnight on Tuesday and Wednesday, so by Friday I only needed to work a half-day and was able to go home at lunch. Yesterday my parents needed the afternoon off, so I took a half-day of vacation time and again left work at lunch.
Oh my, how I have enjoyed spending all that time with my daughter! It almost feels illicit. I’m totally getting away with something here. I keep looking over my shoulder for the spoiler who is going to come and squash my fun. “Don’t you know, Young Lady, that you are a WORKING MOTHER, not a SAHM. You do not get the privilege of playing in the park in the middle of a Thursday afternoon! You gave up that pleasure for the sake of a paycheck. Get thee back to work!” Or something like that.
I ran into some SAHMs at the park yesterday. I felt like a total imposter. Giuliana happily shared the slide and swings with the few children around at 2pm in the afternoon. And I was absorbed into a conversation about seasonal and H1N1 flu shots and local pediatricians. The other moms were very friendly and open and shared all sorts of concerns about thimerisol and autism fears related to the vaccinations. I share these concerns. I still haven’t made up my mind about which shots, if any, Giuliana will get this season. I voiced my opinions and issues into the conversation. I have a slightly different perspective from these moms because I work with several children with autism. Some of their parents are convinced that vaccinations played a role in the development of the syndrome. And because of my work with medically and developmentally compromised kids, I know a lot about most of the local pediatricians, who’s good, who doesn’t really care about disabled kids and their quality of life, things like that. But I didn’t voice this side of my perspective. I didn’t want to call myself out and mention that I am a working mom who just had the afternoon off. I somehow felt a little guilty about it.
The conversation wrapped up, the kids were winding down and the other moms bundled them up to go home for their afternoon naps. We exchanged names and shared hopes that we run into each other again at the park. But I probably won’t run into them. I can’t take my daughter to the park in the middle of the day very often.
I drove home and wrestled with the issue of getting my daughter down for a nap. Of course she fell asleep in the car the minute we pulled into the driveway. She was exhausted, but woke up as I was gently trying to pry her loose from the car seat. And for this girl, there is no going back. She was up for good. I gave her some milk, rocked her, put on soft lullabies, placed her in her crib for some “quiet time,” but there was no sleeping to be had. As I rocked her, conflict roiled inside my head. “If I was able to really mother her, spend more of my time with her, I’d have this nap issue resolved. My mom doesn’t have trouble getting her to sleep. I’d be able to do that if I was with her more. Like those park moms.”
After I put her down for her “quiet time” I went downstairs and began making the time-consuming risotto I had planned for dinner. I thought I was going to make it Wednesday night. But Wednesday turned into a rush after work. We played outside, and decided since it was so beautiful to take a family walk with the dog. We didn’t get back home until 6pm. No time to make fancy, work-intensive risotto. We ordered take-out. Giuliana had a pb&j and yogurt. So, Thursday, I had a little more time to spend on dinner. And again, as I was stirring the bubbling risotto, the quiet resentment crept in. “If I didn’t have to work I’d be able to feed my family home cooked meals more often. We wouldn’t have to rely on take-out.”
I thoroughly enjoyed my afternoon with my girl, and I hate it when these dark thoughts and doubts creep in. I do the best I can for her. She’s healthy. She’s quite happy. She’s loved and cared for. She’s intelligent and learning new things everyday. But when she cries for me in the night and I know it’s only because she needs a few more cuddles, it breaks my heart. It makes me fear that she’s missing me during her days and the little time we spend in the evenings, even though I try like crazy to not let myself get wrapped up in dinner-prep and chores and to spend “quality time” on the floor playing with her, coloring and drawing endless circles, running around the yard, snuggling on the couch and watching Dora together, that that time isn’t enough.
The rub in all of it, the slap in the face, is that the “choice” for me to work is one of necessity. I’m not one of those mothers who feel like they’d go insane if they stayed home with their kids, who craves being able to go to the office and have some relevant adult interaction and then return home to be a better, more focused parent. I have nothing against these parents and wish I was one of them. Then maybe I wouldn’t feel so guilty about all the time I am missing from my daughter’s life. If I felt like working made me a better parent. But I don’t feel that way. I feel working makes me a more unbalanced parent. There are so many things I would do with her if I had more time. I can only cram so many things into a weekend. And some weekends, we feel like we all need to just stay home and relax and enjoy each other.
Sigh. I could go on and on. I’ll stop here because I’m making myself upset. I know it’s useless to dwell on “if only.” I have to work and that’s the way it is and the way it’s going to be. And I just have to suck up the rest of it and be the best mom I can be on nights and weekends. And the guilt and the self-incrimination doesn’t help me do that. It just makes me depressed.
But I think I know what I’m going to pretend to be for Halloween. Anyone have any tips for a good SAHM costume?
Last week, I didn’t have to go to work on Monday because we were closed for Columbus Day (I know, hate me if you want.) I had to go out of town overnight on Tuesday and Wednesday, so by Friday I only needed to work a half-day and was able to go home at lunch. Yesterday my parents needed the afternoon off, so I took a half-day of vacation time and again left work at lunch.
Oh my, how I have enjoyed spending all that time with my daughter! It almost feels illicit. I’m totally getting away with something here. I keep looking over my shoulder for the spoiler who is going to come and squash my fun. “Don’t you know, Young Lady, that you are a WORKING MOTHER, not a SAHM. You do not get the privilege of playing in the park in the middle of a Thursday afternoon! You gave up that pleasure for the sake of a paycheck. Get thee back to work!” Or something like that.
I ran into some SAHMs at the park yesterday. I felt like a total imposter. Giuliana happily shared the slide and swings with the few children around at 2pm in the afternoon. And I was absorbed into a conversation about seasonal and H1N1 flu shots and local pediatricians. The other moms were very friendly and open and shared all sorts of concerns about thimerisol and autism fears related to the vaccinations. I share these concerns. I still haven’t made up my mind about which shots, if any, Giuliana will get this season. I voiced my opinions and issues into the conversation. I have a slightly different perspective from these moms because I work with several children with autism. Some of their parents are convinced that vaccinations played a role in the development of the syndrome. And because of my work with medically and developmentally compromised kids, I know a lot about most of the local pediatricians, who’s good, who doesn’t really care about disabled kids and their quality of life, things like that. But I didn’t voice this side of my perspective. I didn’t want to call myself out and mention that I am a working mom who just had the afternoon off. I somehow felt a little guilty about it.
The conversation wrapped up, the kids were winding down and the other moms bundled them up to go home for their afternoon naps. We exchanged names and shared hopes that we run into each other again at the park. But I probably won’t run into them. I can’t take my daughter to the park in the middle of the day very often.
I drove home and wrestled with the issue of getting my daughter down for a nap. Of course she fell asleep in the car the minute we pulled into the driveway. She was exhausted, but woke up as I was gently trying to pry her loose from the car seat. And for this girl, there is no going back. She was up for good. I gave her some milk, rocked her, put on soft lullabies, placed her in her crib for some “quiet time,” but there was no sleeping to be had. As I rocked her, conflict roiled inside my head. “If I was able to really mother her, spend more of my time with her, I’d have this nap issue resolved. My mom doesn’t have trouble getting her to sleep. I’d be able to do that if I was with her more. Like those park moms.”
After I put her down for her “quiet time” I went downstairs and began making the time-consuming risotto I had planned for dinner. I thought I was going to make it Wednesday night. But Wednesday turned into a rush after work. We played outside, and decided since it was so beautiful to take a family walk with the dog. We didn’t get back home until 6pm. No time to make fancy, work-intensive risotto. We ordered take-out. Giuliana had a pb&j and yogurt. So, Thursday, I had a little more time to spend on dinner. And again, as I was stirring the bubbling risotto, the quiet resentment crept in. “If I didn’t have to work I’d be able to feed my family home cooked meals more often. We wouldn’t have to rely on take-out.”
I thoroughly enjoyed my afternoon with my girl, and I hate it when these dark thoughts and doubts creep in. I do the best I can for her. She’s healthy. She’s quite happy. She’s loved and cared for. She’s intelligent and learning new things everyday. But when she cries for me in the night and I know it’s only because she needs a few more cuddles, it breaks my heart. It makes me fear that she’s missing me during her days and the little time we spend in the evenings, even though I try like crazy to not let myself get wrapped up in dinner-prep and chores and to spend “quality time” on the floor playing with her, coloring and drawing endless circles, running around the yard, snuggling on the couch and watching Dora together, that that time isn’t enough.
The rub in all of it, the slap in the face, is that the “choice” for me to work is one of necessity. I’m not one of those mothers who feel like they’d go insane if they stayed home with their kids, who craves being able to go to the office and have some relevant adult interaction and then return home to be a better, more focused parent. I have nothing against these parents and wish I was one of them. Then maybe I wouldn’t feel so guilty about all the time I am missing from my daughter’s life. If I felt like working made me a better parent. But I don’t feel that way. I feel working makes me a more unbalanced parent. There are so many things I would do with her if I had more time. I can only cram so many things into a weekend. And some weekends, we feel like we all need to just stay home and relax and enjoy each other.
Sigh. I could go on and on. I’ll stop here because I’m making myself upset. I know it’s useless to dwell on “if only.” I have to work and that’s the way it is and the way it’s going to be. And I just have to suck up the rest of it and be the best mom I can be on nights and weekends. And the guilt and the self-incrimination doesn’t help me do that. It just makes me depressed.
But I think I know what I’m going to pretend to be for Halloween. Anyone have any tips for a good SAHM costume?
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Speechless
The bloggie blahs have attacked again. I'm waiting it out till Halloween when I should have beau coup things to post about...and adorable pics to make you swoon. If work allows me time to breathe before then...well, I might just think of something else to write about, too. I'm trying. Stay tuned.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Away and Back Again
I had a quick trip for work this week. Just overnight. Just up to Saratoga Springs. But, hands down, the best part of my trip was my bedtime call home, when John put the phone up to Giuliana's ear as she was snuggled in her jammies, rocking with him, and she told me "ni-nigh, yuv oo!"
I arrived home after dinner last night. Just in time to gets some great big messy hugs and kisses. We played a little bit. Peek-a-boo. Cars. Coloring. She climbed in Daddy's lap and strummed the guitar. We cuddled. I put her to bed and was again rewarded with "ni-nigh, Mommy. Yuv-oo, Mommy." Sometime, over the last 2 days, she learned to call me "Mommy." It made my heart truly soar. But it also felt strange to my ears. "Mommy?" What about "Mama?" Will she never call me that again?
This morning, as I dropped her off on my way to work, her bye-byes came a little too easily for me. Doesn't she miss me when I'm away? The selfish part of me would have loved for her to cry and cling to me. But she didn't. She was in a great mood and happily went to Nanny with kisses goodbye.
Tomorrow she's coming into work with me. I only have to be there for 4 hours. And then my girl and I will spend the afternoon together. I can't wait. This coming and going, going and coming is hard on my heart.
I arrived home after dinner last night. Just in time to gets some great big messy hugs and kisses. We played a little bit. Peek-a-boo. Cars. Coloring. She climbed in Daddy's lap and strummed the guitar. We cuddled. I put her to bed and was again rewarded with "ni-nigh, Mommy. Yuv-oo, Mommy." Sometime, over the last 2 days, she learned to call me "Mommy." It made my heart truly soar. But it also felt strange to my ears. "Mommy?" What about "Mama?" Will she never call me that again?
This morning, as I dropped her off on my way to work, her bye-byes came a little too easily for me. Doesn't she miss me when I'm away? The selfish part of me would have loved for her to cry and cling to me. But she didn't. She was in a great mood and happily went to Nanny with kisses goodbye.
Tomorrow she's coming into work with me. I only have to be there for 4 hours. And then my girl and I will spend the afternoon together. I can't wait. This coming and going, going and coming is hard on my heart.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Tutu=Jaws of Death
So, apparently, when you are three feet tall, yards of gathered fluffy pink tulle resemble the gaping maw of death waiting to swallow you up whole. Huh. Who'd've guessed it?
We greeted the much anticipated "Pretty Ballerina" tutu with shrieks, screams, tears...none related to happiness. This look? Is the look of fear and loathing.
I guess I have more brainwashing...I mean, desensitizing?, teaching?...something, to do before Oct. 31st. Because, I mean, MY GOD!! How unbelievably cute is she? She just has to love it soon, right?
Right now, she is being wooed with juice and popcorn. Hopefully this will help her make friends with the tutu. She DID do a spin for me in front of the mirror a few minutes ago. We are making progress.
****************
Edited to add: This is better. Much better. See what a little "harmless" brainwashing can accomplish. Oh, G, you're teaching Mommy all the wrong lessons....
We greeted the much anticipated "Pretty Ballerina" tutu with shrieks, screams, tears...none related to happiness. This look? Is the look of fear and loathing.
I guess I have more brainwashing...I mean, desensitizing?, teaching?...something, to do before Oct. 31st. Because, I mean, MY GOD!! How unbelievably cute is she? She just has to love it soon, right?
Right now, she is being wooed with juice and popcorn. Hopefully this will help her make friends with the tutu. She DID do a spin for me in front of the mirror a few minutes ago. We are making progress.
****************
Edited to add: This is better. Much better. See what a little "harmless" brainwashing can accomplish. Oh, G, you're teaching Mommy all the wrong lessons....
Monday, October 5, 2009
Soundtrack
My world has a whole new soundtrack these days. There used to be a lot more silence. Now, practically everything is narrated. We cheer and clap excitedly much more frequently. There is a little chattering voice that, from dawn till dusk, is almost never hushed.
Giuliana has started talking. I mean, REALLY started talking. All the time. I am simply astounded by her vocabulary. Now, I admit, if you're not her mother, and even if you ARE her mother but the context is wrong, or you're not paying attention, it's not always a piece of cake to figure out what the heck she's talking about. But, wow! She simply delights in pointing out every word she knows...and she knows A. LOT.
It starts in the morning. I walk into her room to find her sitting in her crib flipping through one of her books. "Bear, mama, bear." This is my cue to repeat "bear" to assure her that I got it. Then, "buhhhnee, coookie, doy-ee, snow..." each with a pause for me to correctly pronounce the words for her/prove that I'm paying 100% attention.
We move to the changing table, "diap? mama?" I hand her a diaper to look at while I work on the other end. "Eh-mo, Zoe, Ahby!!" she shouts excitedly (she has Sesame Street characters on her diapers.) She gets bored with that. "Feet, sahks, shooooooes! hair, brush, mama? brush? MAMA!" I wasn't quick enough. We manuver down the stairs, hand in hand, while she shouts, DAAAADEEEEE?!?!" It's her new game, searching for Daddy. Is he at the bottom of the "staaahs?"
As we reach the bottom her attention quickly shifts, "mek, mama? Mek." I get her a sippy cup and say "milk" as I hand it to her. She scrambles up on the couch, which she insists on calling the "beanch" and pats it for me to come snuggle with her for a few minutes before it's time to leave to go to "Nanny n' Pa."
I rush through my work day. For the most part, the "baby talk" is lost in the shuffle. But her father works in the same building, and as we meet up for lunch we sometimes find ourselves lasping into her silly little words to evoke a smile in the other."I'm having a 'biggel' for lunch, how about you?" "Moh ________, pees!" (So polite is our girl. She almost always remembers to say please and "daykoo.")
The afternoon and evening is filled with chatter. We repeat our body parts. We discuss shapes, colors, cartoon characters. We play with "boks" and build towers. She plays "peee-KAboo!" There is "moh joos, pees" when she is in a good mood and "JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS!!!!" when she is not. Dinner is maybe "macky" (macaroni) or maybe "ceweul" if Mommy is feeling lazy. Dessert is almost always a "ha-cool" (popsicle.) We sing the ABC's a few hundred times. Perhaps the Itsy Bitsy Spider is thrown in for good measure; it's so much fun to yell "wah-sh!" while wildly waving your hands in the air. She points out random letters she sees in a magazine laying on the table, counts her little "peepoh" and generally names every household item she sees. The girl is practically a walking dictionary.
It's adorable. It's incredible. I'm so proud. And more than a little exhausted. And sometimes, more than a little ready for bedtime. Because along with the constant chatter has come a constant need for nothing less than absolutely 100% of your attention. All the time. And she knows if your faking it. Yesterday, she pulled the earbuds out of Daddy's ears because, though he was listening to her as she sat on his chest and babbled away about her coloring book, he wasn't really...LISTENING, you know? This was the moment that he looked at me, wearily, and said, "you know, I think she needs a sibling."
I tried to have a quick conversation with my mom on Friday as I picked up Giuliana at the end of the day. It was nearly impossible with my little angel yelling "mama? Mama. Mama! MAMA!!" in my face and forcibly turning my head with her chubby little hands so I was looking at her. Then she giggled and kissed me. Cute. But. More than a little nudgy.
Weekends. They have become exhausting. In a good way. But also in a slightly crazy, I may pull my hair out any minute if I can't sit down and do something I want to do not draw another damn circle sort of way. If you know what I mean. I love the girl. With all my heart. But she's getting a little intense these days. John and I manuvered our overloaded cart through the crowded aisles of Target on Saturday with an excited toddler shouting at us in the front seat. Taking our eyes off of her momentarily to say, look at something on the shelf, or, you know, not run over the 85 year old lady, insighted shrieks and protests. At one point we were each pushing the cart with one hand as she had a firm grasp on each of our other hands. Very sweet. But a little over the top, yes? And, umm, awkward in a mechanical sort of way. And, of course, all the while, there was a constant narration of every item she recognized in the store. "Chip, mama! OOO! Mek! See, mama? See, ball!" And on and on and on.
But, I gotta admit. She's asleep right now. A quiet little angel. And I miss her a little bit. But the silence? It's also a little bit golden.
Giuliana has started talking. I mean, REALLY started talking. All the time. I am simply astounded by her vocabulary. Now, I admit, if you're not her mother, and even if you ARE her mother but the context is wrong, or you're not paying attention, it's not always a piece of cake to figure out what the heck she's talking about. But, wow! She simply delights in pointing out every word she knows...and she knows A. LOT.
It starts in the morning. I walk into her room to find her sitting in her crib flipping through one of her books. "Bear, mama, bear." This is my cue to repeat "bear" to assure her that I got it. Then, "buhhhnee, coookie, doy-ee, snow..." each with a pause for me to correctly pronounce the words for her/prove that I'm paying 100% attention.
We move to the changing table, "diap? mama?" I hand her a diaper to look at while I work on the other end. "Eh-mo, Zoe, Ahby!!" she shouts excitedly (she has Sesame Street characters on her diapers.) She gets bored with that. "Feet, sahks, shooooooes! hair, brush, mama? brush? MAMA!" I wasn't quick enough. We manuver down the stairs, hand in hand, while she shouts, DAAAADEEEEE?!?!" It's her new game, searching for Daddy. Is he at the bottom of the "staaahs?"
As we reach the bottom her attention quickly shifts, "mek, mama? Mek." I get her a sippy cup and say "milk" as I hand it to her. She scrambles up on the couch, which she insists on calling the "beanch" and pats it for me to come snuggle with her for a few minutes before it's time to leave to go to "Nanny n' Pa."
I rush through my work day. For the most part, the "baby talk" is lost in the shuffle. But her father works in the same building, and as we meet up for lunch we sometimes find ourselves lasping into her silly little words to evoke a smile in the other."I'm having a 'biggel' for lunch, how about you?" "Moh ________, pees!" (So polite is our girl. She almost always remembers to say please and "daykoo.")
The afternoon and evening is filled with chatter. We repeat our body parts. We discuss shapes, colors, cartoon characters. We play with "boks" and build towers. She plays "peee-KAboo!" There is "moh joos, pees" when she is in a good mood and "JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS!!!!" when she is not. Dinner is maybe "macky" (macaroni) or maybe "ceweul" if Mommy is feeling lazy. Dessert is almost always a "ha-cool" (popsicle.) We sing the ABC's a few hundred times. Perhaps the Itsy Bitsy Spider is thrown in for good measure; it's so much fun to yell "wah-sh!" while wildly waving your hands in the air. She points out random letters she sees in a magazine laying on the table, counts her little "peepoh" and generally names every household item she sees. The girl is practically a walking dictionary.
It's adorable. It's incredible. I'm so proud. And more than a little exhausted. And sometimes, more than a little ready for bedtime. Because along with the constant chatter has come a constant need for nothing less than absolutely 100% of your attention. All the time. And she knows if your faking it. Yesterday, she pulled the earbuds out of Daddy's ears because, though he was listening to her as she sat on his chest and babbled away about her coloring book, he wasn't really...LISTENING, you know? This was the moment that he looked at me, wearily, and said, "you know, I think she needs a sibling."
I tried to have a quick conversation with my mom on Friday as I picked up Giuliana at the end of the day. It was nearly impossible with my little angel yelling "mama? Mama. Mama! MAMA!!" in my face and forcibly turning my head with her chubby little hands so I was looking at her. Then she giggled and kissed me. Cute. But. More than a little nudgy.
Weekends. They have become exhausting. In a good way. But also in a slightly crazy, I may pull my hair out any minute if I can't sit down and do something I want to do not draw another damn circle sort of way. If you know what I mean. I love the girl. With all my heart. But she's getting a little intense these days. John and I manuvered our overloaded cart through the crowded aisles of Target on Saturday with an excited toddler shouting at us in the front seat. Taking our eyes off of her momentarily to say, look at something on the shelf, or, you know, not run over the 85 year old lady, insighted shrieks and protests. At one point we were each pushing the cart with one hand as she had a firm grasp on each of our other hands. Very sweet. But a little over the top, yes? And, umm, awkward in a mechanical sort of way. And, of course, all the while, there was a constant narration of every item she recognized in the store. "Chip, mama! OOO! Mek! See, mama? See, ball!" And on and on and on.
But, I gotta admit. She's asleep right now. A quiet little angel. And I miss her a little bit. But the silence? It's also a little bit golden.
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