I Thee Wed

April 30, 2005. Not really the beginning of our journey. More like the second chapter. But the day we will forever celebrate as the anniversary of our love, our commitment, our family, and one hell of a party!

John and I have already been through a lot together. It seems weird to me, actually. You know how, as you get older, time seems to speed up, going faster and faster till you just can't figure out where it all went? I got married to John when I was 27. It feels like, oh...5 minutes ago? We have been together for 6 years. And it seems like a blink, a flash, a nano-second. When I was a bit younger 6 years seemed like AGES of time. Now, I still feel we are just getting acquainted. Yet, I know him, and he knows me, better than anyone. We anticipate each other's needs and thoughts. We literally finish each other's sentences, say things at the same time, pick up the phone to call while the other is dialing...we are One. Yet we are still very individual.

He likes Coke, I like Diet. I like onions, he likes olives. He plays guitar, I sing. I am fastidious...you get the picture.

He is my true soul companion. He is my rock, he keeps me grounded and I help him fly a little. I am a lucky woman. I have found the one my soul was searching for. That's more than just a cheesy cliche (in fact it's a Bible verse that was printed on our bulletins) it is the truth. I was searching in a quietly desperate sort of way. And he found me. And he waited for me. And I was smart enough to allow him to take my breath away.

If you haven't found that kind of love, keep looking. I promise you it's out there.

By My Side
-Ben Harper

Don't you get ahead of me
and I won't leave you behind
If you get unhappy
show me a sign
There's no love like lost love
and no pain like a broken heart
There's no love like you and me
and no loss like us apart

Promises, promise is
only a word
and when softly spoken
is never heard
And a heart
is not a stone
and is fragile
is fragile when alone

By my side
By my side
Won't you be by my side
By my side
By my side
Won't you be by my side

My care for you
is from the ground up to the sky
it's over, under, up above
down below and to the side
No use in pretending
no use in saving face
My love is never ending
You are my saving grace

(All photos courtesy of Tracey Wheeler of Yaman-Wheeler Photography, @2005)

Not Mother of the Year

I'm feeling like a particularly crappy mother right about now, so I felt I needed to share it with you. My daughter came down with a fever overnight. She had been feeling a little listless in the late afternoon. I chalked it up to the heat and humidity. She hasn't wanted to eat much the last several days, ditto the heat. She has had some diarrhea the last several days...not sure why. So, last night: fever. It was really hot in her room, but I could tell this wasn't just the heat. I turned on the AC and gave her Tylenol. Checked on her a couple of hours later and she seemed cooler to the touch, though she was whining a lot in her sleep.
When I woke her up this morning she seemed like her normal self. I, as usual, was rushing to get out of the house to attempt to get to work somewhere near the time I'm supposed to be there. Got her to Grandma's with no worries. Then, about an hour later my mom called to say G had another fever, 102.2. She also gave Tylenol, but the fever didn't go down. I called the pediatrician, they are no help, just said to push fluids and give BRAT diet. No duh, people...WHY does she have a fever out of the blue? That is my question.

So, here's where I feel crappy Working-Mommy guilt. She's been at my mother's all day. She still has a fever, still not feeling like she wants to play or anything. And I'm sitting at work. I feel like I am neglecting her. I know she is in excellent, loving hands. My mom is taking good care of her. As a matter of fact, I just got off the phone with my mom and G is asleep in her arms right now. But she's not asleep in MY arms.

These are the days I ab-so-f*ing-lute-ly HATE working!

I want to WIN! this...

I am entering a contest over here to win a fabulous new WIRELESS PRINTER/ SCANNER/ COPIER by HP!! Wireless! Eeek! How cool, and umm, you know, current!

I have a clunky old Dell upstairs in our dusty computer room that neither prints, scans, nor even photocopies...why is it still taking up space? Well, because I'm lazy. I have a child, and digital photos, and need to rely on Shutterfly! But if I won this beautiful printer, my life would change forever. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

I will now be dreaming of all the cool photographic crafty crafts I could whip up, like Holly's cool lanterns...except I already did all that wedding stuff 4 years ago (hey, did I mention that it's my 4 year anniversary in a week? I didn't? Stay tuned, it's coming.) Surely, weddings aren't the only time in ones life where it is acceptable to spend hours tossing in bed dreaming up ever more involved projects to the neglect of pretty much all else? I mean, as I mentioned, I have a(n adorable) child, and digital photos...

Guys Night Out

Last night, my husband did something very unusual. He went out with a friend and did something fun. He has been stuck in the house for months because of this crappy, crippling pain that he has all the time. He's been out of work on disability for 3 months. He is mostly unable to drive, so he doesn't leave the house during the day much...when we go anywhere I drive him. We have awesome friends and family who come over and see us, but when he is cooped up in the house all day by himself, it feels very lonely. He doesn't get to do a lot of the things he enjoys because, frankly, it just requires too much energy for him to spend.

So, when a friend of his called him earlier this week with a ticket to a Grateful Dead concert in Wilkes-Barre, PA, about 80 mins. away, and John turned it down because he just didn't think he could do it, I strongly urged him to go. He LOVES The Dead. But there was no way he could drive himself down there, and he didn't want to spend the money on the ticket if he wasn't going to be able to enjoy the show due to being in pain, etc. Well, this friend kept bugging him about it. Finally, he stopped over at our house on Tuesday night and basically said, "you're going with me, I'm driving, I'm giving you the ticket for *FREE*, you're going." So, John went. And he had a wonderful time. And I am so happy he went. Here are some pictures that he sent me from his phone. And JD....thank you!

Oh, and G and I? We hung in and had a Girls' Night. Complete with Noggin and chocolate and dancing and a bubble bath (hey, she's 16 months old, this is living the high life for her.)

Unplugged Weekend

1/2 of Front porch, Before

1/2 of Front porch, After

Other 1/2 of Front porch, Before

Other 1/2 of Front porch, After

Ok, the floor and walls need serious painting attention, but I have to say, I am pretty happy with this transformation. I was feeling that the enclosed front porch needed a face-lift. I love the porch, and the porch swing. It was one of the main selling points in the house, truth be told. I pictured us lazing about with a glass of ice tea, a good book, rocking the day away on the swing, dog contentedly sleeping in a heap on the floor. I was actually pretty happy with the front porch when I first set it up. But over the 3 years it has accumulated a pretty thick layer of dust, dog hair, and crap that had no where else to go. There are no electrical outlets out there, so that hanging light? The cord has always just...dangled, with no happy place to be plugged. And also, due to the lack of outlets, it is very difficult to vacuum out there. I mean, I have to dig out an extension cord, for god sakes!

Oh, but yesterday! I mustered the energy and vacuumed, dusted, mopped, even cleaned windows! And I rearranged the furniture (and switched out some old stuff for some new stuff). Now it feels much more usable. And cozy. Perfect for lazing. In fact, we did spend quite some time out there after I was done. G discovered the mail slot and spent, oh...7.5 minutes, give or take, opening it, closing it, peeking outside. I am going to have to start watching for things to disappear and end up on the front steps. I could just see her thinking....what would happen if I dropped something OUT there??? It's science, people. I should encourage it, right?

So, what else did I do this weekend? Well, first off, I spent all of it disconnected from the internet. Intentionally. I didn't even have my cell phone within reach most of the time! No blogging, no twittering, no texting even...well, except for a couple texts to Kate, but other than that....

My other big project was The Back Yard. Oh the backyard. Those of you who have been to my house can relate. Those who haven't...I took pictures there too, but decided that I am still to embarrassed to post them. We have a large dog, you see. And a small, fenced in yard. Perfect for G to play in...but a disaster due to said dog. Holes dug up everywhere. Dirt patches from dog pee. Dead grass. It's gross. So, my big, BIG project on Saturday was to clean it up. And I did. I mowed the grass, raked the dirt, put down fresh top soil to fill the holes/uneven spots, spread grass seed, watered. I even planted a forsythia bush. I am also going to plant a wildflower border along the garage wall, but ran out of energy to dig it up. Whew! I have the callouses to prove that I am not much of an outdoorswoman, usually. But it felt so good to get it all done. And, it looks about 1,000x better. But still not good enough to post. The fence is still falling apart, the garage needs to be scraped and painted...oh well, I will be happy with my efforts anyway. We got G all set up outside, too. Moved her fort outside, filled the water table, bought sidewalk chalk and bubbles. Needless to say, she runs to the back door the moment she comes downstairs in the morning. I forsee spending much of the summer on the patio.

To top it all off, I even rearranged the dining room on Saturday, too. G's fort had been taking up a lot of space in there ever since Christmas. When we moved it outside I was able to actually move the dining room table back into the center of the room. The dining room is still Toy Central for the downstairs (is your dining room Toy Central. I find that if you don't have a designated Toy Room, it usually becomes the dining room. Why is that?) but at least we can now eat dinner at the table, like a Norman Rockwell family. Yippee!

Oh, I almost forgot. We even made it to church yesterday. That's two weeks in a row! After...oh, a year. I had almost forgotten how awesome everyone at our church is. They really are great people. Totally welcoming, loving. There is no sitting in the back anonymously at our church, which would be my natural inclination. No, everyone there comes and says "hi", remembers your name, asks about your job. And there is none of that "churchy judgment syndrome" that seems to plague so many of the churches I have been to. So happy we found that church. John and I made a pact to kick each other in the butt to make it on Sundays.

Hope you had a fantastic weekend, too. I think I'll take a little nap at my desk now.

Seriously Late Easter Pics

I know you have all been dying to see G in her Easter finest. Where, Kami, where are the adorable snapshots of our girl all gussied up for the Easter Parade? Where are the chocolate bunnies and peeps? They are right here, dear readers, fresh from my camera. Sorry for the delay. You can all exhale now.

Early morning, finding the stash the Easter Bunny left. It took her approximately 30 seconds to figure out that easter eggs=buried treasure.

This is the best pic I could get of G in her Easter dress, with shrug. Maybe peeps aren't the most conducive breakfast to picture taking.


Not humoring Mama at all. I tried and tried to get a decent picture of the two of us. Not happening. Oh, and the ONLY picture of all THREE of us...is locked away on my mom's camera. I will post it in 4-5 months when she emails it to me.


Easter outfit, sans shrug, at Nana's house. That is plastic toast she is munching on. There was very little real food consumption that did not involve either a) chocolate, b) marshmallow, or c) both.


Discovering that the Easter Bunny delivers to several locations: home, Grandma's and Nana's houses...Score.



Oh, and he also delivers again, later in the week, after Godparents have visited. Strange. That Easter Bunny is one busy dude.

Hello, Mr. Sun

Happy Sunshiney Friday!

Oh the plans I have for this weekend. I get so hyper this time of year. Do you? See that brown patch behind G, that's getting filled in with topsoil followed by grass seed. The grass will get cut. I am busy making mental plans for my front enclosed porch which I (suddenly) feel is in need of a face lift. Plus there will be moving yard toys outside, filling the water table. Oh yeah, hopefully some time to just play outside with my girl, too!

Ugh, WHY do I have to be at work today?? There is so much to DO! In the SUN!

(By the way, things I love about that picture: the sunglasses ((obviously)), the little round belly, the toothy smile, and the rock she is holding in her hand.)

Enjoy your weekend, too!

***********************
Edited to add: See my twitter for the "deets" on my weekend prep. You know, if you're that bored.

What I Love About Being A Mom::Meme

I was tagged by Kami (although I answered her late with my permission to be tagged) to participate in a meme that was started by HerBadMother (aka Catherine).

Here’s the deal:

Her Bad Mother’s post is the departure lounge, "I'm going to link to a couple of other mom bloggers here in Canada, and to a couple of mom bloggers from other countries around the world, and they’ll write their posts, sharing 5 things that they love (or maybe what they don’t so much love - this playground doesn’t force conformity) about being a mom, and then they’ll tag a few more bloggers from their own country and from other countries, and so on. And you’re more than welcome to join: just write a post of your own (5 things that you love about being a mom) and find someone to link to and tag - someone from your own country, if you like, but definitely someone from another country (Google is a good resource if you don’t know any; Google any country name and ‘mom’ in their blog search function) (be sure to let them know that you’ve tagged them!) - and link back here and leave a comment and we’ll add you to the ‘itinerary,’ which David will compile and post and update as the tour proceeds.”

Here we go. I'm sure most of these will be repeats from others who have already posted, but to me, they are individual and divine. The little graces that get me through the day:

1.) I absolutely love getting to (usually) be the first one my daughter sees in the morning. I walk in her room, sometimes she's awake already playing and talking away, and she graces me with this soulbreaking smile. Even the mornings when I have to wake her up...it's this same routine as soon as she comes too. Her cheeks are still rosy from sleep. She had bedhead, and usually morning breath. She jumps up to standing in her crib, grabs her precious "blankie" and says "mama" a few times. When I pick her up she snuggles in close for a few minutes. It is pure bliss, every morning. What a way to start the day!

2.) I adore watching her play. She is able, even at 16 months, to occupy herself for long stretches of time. I just stand back and watch her sometimes as she pulls toys out of her baskets, sorts things, puts things together, takes them apart, looks at her books, gives her toys kisses...it melts my heart. Everything is interesting and new. Everything is a learning opportunity. I have such a swell of pride every time I see her learn something new, figure something out. She's a genius, so it's often :)

3.) Quite honestly, I love being needed. Oh, sure there are the times when it is "inconvenient" because I am in the middle of something, or I'm just not feeling well, whatever. But when that little girl comes running up to me and grabs my legs, wanting a snuggle, or wanting me to read her a book, I feel like the most important person in the world. When she is crying and I am able to comfort her, or when she is hungry and I am able to get her something to eat, or even if she just needs her diaper changed...it all adds up to me just being her "mommy" and that is enough to make my heart sing. Who doesn't love their mommy?

4.) Watching my husband and daughter interact together fills my days with sunshine, too. My husband (for those of you who don't regularly read my blog) has an ongoing medical issue that makes it extremely difficult for him to get down and play with her, or carry her around, etc. It breaks his heart on a daily basis when he isn't able to do the things he wants with her. But, oh, those times when he is feeling a little bit ok, when he can chase her around the house, throw her up in the air and make her shriek and giggle, when he can dance with her, or go down the slide. When he can snuggle with her and read her book after book, or have a little dress-up party...those times are jewels to me. I love this man. And I love this girl. And I love that they are family because of me.

5.) I love knowing that, no matter what happens to me in life, whatever I may or may not accomplish, that I have added a beautiful soul to the world, who will help to make the world a little bit better place simply by existing in it. She brings a smile to everyone who meets her. She adds joy and cheer by just being. I love that in some small way, that is a reflection on me. But mostly, I just love that she is who she is, and that is unique and wonderful. And I get to be apart of her everyday. That is a blessing that just blows me away.

Wow. Thanks, Kami, for the chance to participate in this fun event!

Now for the tags. If you want to play along, go right ahead. Just link back to Her Bad Mother and comment there so you are counted. I am also tagging Tara, Donalyn, and Gina.

Ahhhh

That's better. A fresh spring pedicure! I went on a date with my friend Kate this afternoon after work for some much needed and deserved girl time. Bliss.

Sugar Fix

On The menu: Chocolate Easter Cupcakes (yeah, I kinda made that up) and Cherry Pie...from scratch, crust and all. If you know anything about me, I am NOT a baker. I like to pretend that I can bake. I sometimes get all uppity, like I know what I'm doing. I challenge myself, thinking...how hard can chocolate cake be, who needs the boxed kind? Ummmm...me. I need the boxed kind. I admit it, after several valiant attempts at chocolate cake from scratch, I admit defeat. So, why, you may ask, did I voluntarily choose to make cherry pie, which I have never made before, and only ever had once in my life (funny story...I used to hate cherries, with all kinds of passion. Now I don't.), and why would I choose to make it from scratch, and also make the crust from scratch, when you can buy perfectly good crust in the freezer section? Why, indeed. Come on now, this is me, remember? This is my modis operandi.

So, here we go. We'll start with the cupcakes. I feel fairly confident in my cupcakery skills, after conquering them so soundly for G's birthday party. And I am procrastinating the pie. The pie scares me.

Hello Devil's Food Cake box mix. Welcome to my kitchen. I hope I can make your stay warm and happy. Would you care for some chocolate chips? You would? How about a splash of white chocolate chips, too, for panache? Here you are. My, my, you are looking well. I'm so glad you came.


You don't mind if I take a break here to just stick my face in that bowl, do you? It must be genetic. Right about the time I took that picture, G came running up to me, all "mamamamama" and tried to climb up my leg. I picked her up, and gave her the tinniest tiny little taste of the batter (I know, I know...raw eggs, ewww....I'm a terrible mother...) and she immediatly tried to dive right in, head first.


See, Easter cupcakes. Don't they look eastery to you? (Side note, I also admit defeat on icing. So complicated to get it just right when it is very easy to just open a tub. I did add food coloring, does that count as homemade?)

Ok, we can't put off the pie any longer. Or the pie crust. Dammit. Well, it's a good excuse to use my new kitchen aid mixer. Thank God for that mixer. I have no idea how to make pie crust without it.


Action shot of me channeling my inner three-year-old and rolling out a long snake for the crust edge. Or a long poop. Sorry, that was my inner six-year-old.


Add some thawed and well-drained cherries to the cherry pie filling mix in a can (ok, that part wasn't so "scratch", give me a break here.) and a splash of lemon juice to "brighten" the tartness. Whip out my NEVER BEFORE USED fluted pastery cutter that I registered for in some crazed moment of soon-to-be-married self-delusion. And a sprinkle of my fancy-pants "sparkling sugar"...and....wala.



Not too shabby. Not a tangled spaghetti pile in sight.

And, as a bonus, I paid homage to my Grandma Creery by making little cinnamon-sugar cookies out of the left over pie dough. I remember waiting some what impatiently, face pressed as close to the oven door as my Grandma would let me, for those yummy, crispy pie scrap cookies to come out. I remember burning my mouth because I refused to wait till they cooled off once they were finally out. They were never fancy. She simply cut the scraps into wedges, sprinkled them with cinnamon-sugar and popped them in the oven for five or six minutes.


I was so excited to share this tradition with G. I think I may have had my face pressed up to the oven window waiting for them to be done. And I had to make myself wait till they were cool before giving her one. She....gave most of her's to the dog.


Sigh.

Oh, and here's her Easter basket, just cause it's the first one I've ever put together (we didn't do a basket for her last year cause we're loser parents like that).


I can't wait for her to see it. Have a Happy Easter.

She's My Cherry Pie

I don't know who "She" is, but I do know I need serious cherry pie help. No, not that kind, you dirty internet. Real cherry pie. I've never made it before and I am under the gun (my own gun at that, I chose to make cherry pie, my oh my!) to make it for Easter at my mother-in-law's house. You will join me in this venture tomorrow, with pictures, rest assured. I wouldn't leave you out. But, before all that fun and hilarity can ensue, I really need help. Here are some of my very pressing questions:

1.) Which is better: canned cherries or fresh or frozen?
2.) Which is easier: canned cherries or fresh or frozen?
3.) How the hell do you make a lattice top pie crust without it looking like tangled spaghetti?

Kristina, I'm lookin' at you! And anyone else who knows a cherry from a...peach?


This is the cherry pie of my dreams. Will you help me reach my dreams?

Back In The (Chemical) Saddle Again

Anyone else out there have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome)? Let me tell you, it's fun times. Periods are anybodies guess as to when or where or IF they will show up. Pregnancy...it's dicey, maybe yes, maybe no, depending on if your body feels like ovulating. Extra weight, extra acne, extra hair...all part of the package. Really, if you are looking for more ways to be neurotic about yourself, this syndrome has something for everyone.

I've had very active (by that I mean, symptomatic) PCOS since I hit puberty. I went years (I'm not kidding) without a period. Now, I know that sounds like heaven to some, and I wasn't exactly complaining about missing Auntie Flo, but...not real healthy, ya know? So, anyway, when I was approaching 30 and began thinking about (ok, freaking out about) wanting kids and realizing that my time was limited if I wanted to have more than one kid prior to turning 35 (the big "advanced maternal age" limit when all the scary shit happens or at least that's what they tell you) I decided that, obviously, to be able to get pregnant, I would probably need to do something about the lack of period/ovulation stuff.

So, I entered the fun, fun land of Infertility Treatments. Luckily for me, I found a doctor who didn't tell me to "try for a year on your own and then come back and we'll do some testing" (I would have kicked him so it hurt, I swear). He was very compassionate and started me on treatments right away. "Treatments" meaning, mostly, medications. Turns out, long story short, that on top of having PCOS, which messed up all my lady hormones, I had a orange-sized tumor attached to my left ovary, which was crowding everything and I never would have gotten pregnant without having it removed. So that year would have just been for the benefit of my heartache and stress. So, thanks, Dr. Shaw, for being awesome.

Now, if you have ever even looked at my blog, then you know this story has a happy ending. I did get pregnant, had a mostly uneventful pregnancy, with the exception of having to take progesterone supplements for the first trimester (vag. suppositories...ewww.) and wound up with the coolest, cutest, sweetest girl around, my G. I stopped taking medication during and after my pregnancy. The primary medication is Glucophage, or metformin, which is an insulin sensitizer, and please, God, don't make me go into all the details of why I have to take a diabetes medication for cystic ovaries or I will have to stab myself in the eye so I have an excuse to run away. Google it if you want the whole shebang. Suffice it to say, it works. And, it helps me lose weight...B-O-N-U-S!

Lately, though I have been having my cycles regularly, (yay? shit?...it's complicated) I have noticed that the time span in between them is getting, gradually, longer and longer. 30 days, 33 days, 37 days, 45 days...not a good sign. And the weight, oh the weight. It all settles right around my waist, which is oh so attractive. So, back to the OB/Gyn I went on Monday. I mentioned the ever expanding cycle, and he put me right back on metformin. And, to boot, I mentioned (for good measure, I really wanted that medication) that we are thinking about thinking about trying for another kid in 6 months or so. So he put me on folic acid, too.

I'm happy to be taking the meds again. It will help with my cycles, my weight, my exhaustion level. I wish I didn't have to be medicated for the rest of my life, with the threat of developing Type II Diabetes in the future, too. But I am so glad that I have a doctor who listens and cares. I wish my daughter didn't have to worry about dealing with these same issues in her future, but it looks like she probably will. But I am glad that her doctor caught her symptoms so early so we can monitor them and help her. And I wish both of our ovaries would just work right, not that it's that simple, but still...But I am so glad that we live in an age where there is help, and that I was able to conceive and have my daughter. And that I might get to do it again (though I am still ambivilant about that...we'll see.) Oh, and I promise, when the time comes, I will not turn this into a TTC blog all obsessed with my lady parts and such...I've done that, not doing it again (I hope, you'll keep me to it, right? Thanks.)

Weekend Highlights

Look at those PINK cheeks! Don't you just want to gnaw them right off her little cherub face? Err...I mean, she's cute, right? I don't condone baby-chomping, just for the record.

This was at the Broome Community College Children's Fair on Saturday. It was pouring rain and cold, so it turned out to be a perfect day to go have playtime in the gym. G was, once again, fascinated by pouring and piling: sand, dirt, macaroni...didn't matter the material. That is how we spent the entire 2 hours we were there, with a quick lunch break. We thought the charge was $3 per kid and adults free, but it turned out that kids under 3 yrs were free, too, so we spent 2 free hours enjoying BCCs creative ideas and got a free kids' book to boot! SCORE! And, we got to spend time with G's Aunt Kate, who works for the BCCenter as a preschool teacher. Awesome.

We ran to Babies R Us afterward to pick up some essentials: diapers and Desitin. I wanted to buy G another pair of jeans for playing outside, as she is wont to do A. Lot. lately. But BRU didn't have ANY jeans in stock, anywhere? Not even in the boys clothes. What up, BRU?? You disappoint me. Capris don't cut it in 40-50* weather.

Saturday night, friends came to play! With us, not G, she was asleep. Rose and her husband Jason came over to drink wine and champagne (no occasion, just for fun) and play Playstation 3. I twittered about my trepidation in drinking after last weekends debacle with Kate, but I braved it and had 2 tasty glasses. No hang over! Yippee!

Sunday, I had a rare!, exciting!, baby-free! shopping excursion! Granted, it was grocery shopping, and Easter basket shopping, but still....I'll take it. G had a lovely afternoon with her daddy. And I got to buy me some new underwear. Everybody wins. And let me just say, Easter basket shopping is not so easy. I had a very difficult time coming up with a couple of inexpensive gifts that G would actually play with. I settled on this which is not exactly what I had in mind, but all I could find. I also bought a nightie (because, really, she looks tooooooooo adorable in the ratty, old hand-me-down nightie she already has, so much like a big girl, I can't take it.) and some toys for her water-table that she will be getting from Nana for Easter. Oh, and I found some cute jeans on clearance for $9.08. Take that, BRU. You lose, Target wins. But the highlight was the $10 bucks I spent for a Rubbermaid tub, 5 boxes of macaroni, and one bag of 16-bean soup, to make a macaroni play bin ala that pic up there. She spent hours playing in that thing yesterday. Scooping the macaroni, pouring it, dumping it all over the patio, picking it up, repeat, repeat, repeat. Thank you, BCC Children's Fair, for that wonderful idea! Kate took a break from her mad thesis research and brought Nick with her to play with G (and us) for a little while in the sunny afternoon. Pretty good day.

Oh, and just for the record, we spent Friday night as a family, just being grateful for each other and all that we have. We went to dinner at Friendly's, had ice cream, and just hung out together. John and I really needed it after the horrible events in our community on Friday. Folks here are visibly shaken and sad, it's palpable. But, as the Binghamton mayor reminded us, we are a strong community, who has endured a lot of heartache, and we will pull together and get past this, and hopefully learn from it and be better people for it. Thank you all for your prayers and love.

Thoughts

I know everyone says this after a tragedy, but I just can't believe something like this happened here, in Binghamton, where I live, where I've lived my whole life. Binghamton may be on the decline, population wise, and the economy has sucked here for a lot longer than the past year, but it is, and has been, an essentially safe place. My friends and I have chosen to remain here (or come back here, as the case may be). We have chosen to raise our families here, and in the surrounding communities, because we realize that someone has to rescue it from neglect. We have had other options of places to live, but in the end, Binghamton is home, and will remain home. I'm just rambling because I am still shocked that someone filled with, what? Anger, hate, despair, I don't even want to know, could come in and just shoot up a couple dozen people. I am so sad for the loss of life today. And for all the families who now have to pick up the pieces. And we don't even know who those families are yet? Is is anyone I know? Some one close to a friend? God, how scary to think about that.
I hope Binghamton doesn't become synonymous with "shooting tragedy" as some other towns have: Columbine, Virginia Tech...We are so much more than that. We are stronger than this.
How sad.

Please Pray, or whatever you do

OMG. Disregard my last post. My little bitchy attitude is nothing today. This is my home town. We have no idea what is going on right now, how many people have been killed or injured. Some crazy lunatic is shooting people, blocks away from where I sit right now. Please pray for everyone still inside the ACA.
Thank you.

To expand on my Twitter rant...

Work Today = GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
It's Friday, isn't everyone supposed to be nice and cheery on a Friday, even if it is rainy, AGAIN. Today is not a nice and cheery day. And I am not feeling nice and cheery either. So there. Everything is bugging me about work today. People. Paperwork. Phone calls. Bah.

Parkin'

There are a lot of things about kids that I just never considered before having one. For example, parenting is really just an exercise in figuring out what your kid wants to do, deciding if it is acceptable, and rolling with it...lather, rinse, repeat. Because, really, you don't have much control, or even say, of what they do, eat, play with, etc. It is all a big illusion. But that's another post.

This week's discovery is that kids have to learn how to play. We have been going to the park the last several nice days. We took G to the park last year, but she was too little to really do anything. We just plopped her in the swing and she loved it. This year, though, she is big enough to actually play at the park. And big enough to decide what she wants to play with/on. The first day we took her (last Friday, if you read my Twitter...and if not, why not?) she mostly just wandered around, looking at all the equipment, watching all the bigger kids, trying to figure out what the heck she was supposed to do. She tried some climbing, and we took her down the slide a couple of times, but mostly she just...wandered.

The next day we went to the park closer to home. This one has a sandbox. After some more initial wandering, she sat down in the sand, very timidly, and proceeded to spend the next 45 minutes piling sand, getting a little more into after 20 minutes or so.

Tuesday we went back to the park. This time, she ran right to the playground equipment. She was still a little timid. But after the 30th or so time down the slide, I think it's safe to say she's figured it out. What fun! (And exhaustion, since she's too little to do the slide by herself.)