How To Break A Mother's Heart (Toddler Version)

I know I'm not the only parent to resort to The Stern Voice from time to time. Like when your child is being especially exasperating. Yeah. I know I'm not alone.

Here's the scene: Giuliana is fresh from her bath. For some reason this is a particularly touchy time for her. Probably being cold and wet doesn't help the situation. But for whatever reason, she gets really cranky about having lotion put on. She wants it on, and she wants to do her tummy by herself. This gets no argument from me. I'm flexible, she can do her tummy-no problem. But she gets in one of her moods. Oh, I dread and hate this mood. Nothing makes her happy. She has decided she wants to do something herself and no amount of "Go ahead" or "It's OK, you can do it" or "Giuliana, I'm not arguing with you, stop yelling at me, go ahead and do it yourself" pleases her. For whatever reason, she is expecting an argument and she's ready for it with a good, loud whine and cry session. So, even though I give her the lotion and encourage her to rub her tummy and tell her what a good job she's doing, she's wailing through the whole thing.

And I snap. I break out The Stern Voice. I look her right in the eye and say (rather loudly) "GIULIANA. Stop yelling." Well. Has anyone ever known that to actually work? Because it sure doesn't work with my kid. I have know idea why I resort to it. Some maternal gene-pattern, no doubt. Anyway, she just cries and whines louder. And I figure it's still all about the non-existent argument over the lotion/tummy issue.

Then she starts repeating, over and over, "It's not fair, Mommy. Not fair. 'Giuliana.' It's not fair. I crying. No, 'Giuliana,' Mommy."

At first I don't get it. What's not fair? Finally, after she repeats it about a dozen times it dawns on me. I ask her, "Do you mean it's not fair that Mommy yelled at you and said, 'Giuliana' when you were crying?"

"Yeah. I sad."

Stab me in the heart! I hurt her feelings. For real. Not just 'cause I wouldn't give her a lollipop before dinner or let her climb up into her car seat by herself because we were running late. I hurt her feelings because I yelled at her when she was crying.

I apologized a few thousand times and told her that I loved her very much and I was sorry for hurting her feelings. She told me "It's o-tay, Mommy" and gave me a hug and we're all cool now. But, man! That one? That was rough. I know I'll stop and think before giving into my frustration the next time.