Tiny Dancer

I have been pondering, since early September (I'm a planner, leave me alone!), what Giuliana should "be" for Halloween. Last year, her first Halloween, she had three costumes...it was Halloween all week at our house, and MAN! was she adorable. I didn't really have any grand ideas this year. (One year, and I'm out...spent it all on last year, I guess.) Oh, she'll be cute no matter WHAT she wears, in fact, she'd be cute as the bare-butt New Year's Baby, but at this age I'd probably get arrested (umm, and she'd freeze, so lose/lose, there.) I've been thinking and thinking. You know all the "good" costumes go quickly and I didn't want to wait too long.

So, the decision has been made and ordered. I've decided, much to her father's chagrin (hey, he didn't object until AFTER I order it...too late) that G will be a Pretty Ballerina this year. I went searching high and low for a costume, but couldn't find any I liked. Then I checked out actual dance costumes and guess what? I found them surprisingly reasonable! How nice. I quickly ordered her a little toddler-sized leotard, tutu, and little-bitsy ballet slippers! OOOOHH, the cuteness. It's freakin' palpable, I swear!

Now, here's the hang up. G is 22 months old. She doesn't really even know what a ballerina is, much less how to do a grande-plié. I figure I have about a month to propagandize the hell out of ballet. There will be a lot of Angelina Ballerina in our house in the next 31 days! I bought her a book about a dancing duck who wears a tutu, too (ha). And I have been pointing out dancers dancing at every chance I get. Yeah, I'm not above brainwashing my kid.

Last night her leotard and ballet slippers arrived in the mail. She fell in love with the slippers and insisted on wearing them all night. I think this is a good sign. God, I can't wait for that tutu to (haha) arrive. I may momentarily O.D. on the cuteness of her little toddler tush in a TUTU! With ballet slippers! I can't wait!

blah, blah, blah-dee blah

So.

Those of you who blog know this feeling.

The blahs.

I have nothing to write about.

Oh, I'm sure I do, but I can't really think of anything. So, I procrastinate a post, putting it off till something exciting happens or I think of something brilliantly funny/sappy/weird that I feel is worthy of sharing. And nothing seems to happen. So I wait. And then, as the days slip by, I find I haven't even looked at my blog recently. Or my friends' blogs. And I feel disconnected.

I justify, I'm so busy, I don't have time to blog right now. But if I'm so busy, how come I can't think of anything to write about? Sometimes this blog feels like a vital part of me, the place where I document, express, rant and mull over my life and how it's changed in infinite ways over the last 2 years. And sometimes it's a place for me to just be weird, which, if you know me, really know me, you know that is a vital part of me as well.

And then there are other times, times like right now, when The Blog, and all other social networking, just feels like a weight around my neck. I haven't posted in days! What if I just didn't, just walked away. No, I can't do that. Even if no one else is interested in what I have to say, I still need to be able to say it. And I want to keep these memories that I document so I can go back and sift through them when G is older and I miss my baby. But....ugh. Nothing to write about. It's like a pressure in my chest at times. Like I'm failing at something. A little bit crazy, I know, but there ya have it.

These are the things I have been doing lately, none of which I feel particularly inspired to write about for various reasons:

:Work has been exceptionally busy as I try to move from one position to another. Who really cares?

:I went to a wedding yesterday. I didn't know anyone there expect for my husband, his sister, and his father. I've met the bride and groom two or three times. Nothing very interesting happened, other than the spiritual joining of two lives.

:I made a decision on G's Halloween costume. This may be a future post. I haven't decided. Do you want to hear about it?

:G is getting better and better at saying her ABC's and she even recognizes individual letters if you ask her to point them out. She can also count 1-10 and has started counting items, like her little people. Also, she getting better at coloring. She used to just scribble randomly all over the page. Now she is scribbling over specific pictures, like she's trying to color them in. All very cute stuff that I'm proud of...but sometimes I wonder, do people get sick of hearing about every little achievement my wonderful kid makes??

:John is going up on the roof in a few minutes to try (again) to patch the teeny-tiny hole in the chimney that is causing water to leak in and wreak havoc on our walls. That's about all I've got to say about that.

See, it's just daily life. Sometimes I feel like that's a rich source of material. Other times....eh. Not so much.

What do you want to hear about?

Watch Out for Cammy!

Hey Kami and Cammie! Did you hear this?? Kami-Cammie-Cammy's (et al.) of the world, UNITE! We now have a lake monster among us! How cool is that? I mean, really, how many people get to share their name (a fairly unique name, at that) with a big, scary monster? I, for one, think it's pretty awesome!

Who/What do you share your name with?

Love::New Crayons

I poured the new box into the tin holding all the old, broken, well-loved crayons before she got home. I waited excitedly as she made her way over to the table, as she does everyday. Immediately the chubby little fists grabbed the sleek, clean sticks and began to create.

"Circle, Mama?" "Smiy!" (smile.) We draw together. I draw random shapes, letters, numbers. She scribbles and colors in the pictures. She helps me name the drawings. "Double," (w), "ney" (9).

"Pu-poh!" She gets that one right. "Boo!" She holds up a green crayon. We'll work on that one.

Oh! The possibilities! Sigh. I heart new crayons.

(Slightly Vague) Changes

Am I the only one who feels that Autumn always seems to be a season full of changes and growth? I've blogged about it before (exactly a year ago?...man, I'm becoming predictable!) Fall brings about a resumption of busy-ness, of getting back to routine. The crisp mornings and waning twilight always stir a homey feeling in me, a "nesting" sort of feeling that's in direct opposition to summery free-for-all. And that's a change. It always feels abrupt to me. Jarring in a way. This year, especially. We returned from the beach and were slapped with chilly winds and turning leaves before we even got our sandy beach toys out of the car. "Well, hello Autumn, I'm not sure I'm ready for you, but come on in."

One of the changes taking place this fall is in my family. The decision has been made. We've decided to add more snuggles, more giggles, more kisses and hugs. There (hopefully) will be more diapers and late night bottle sessions and bleary, chaotic mornings, too. No big announcement to make yet, it's a journey, this change. But I'll keep ya posted.

My career is going through a metamorphosis as well. Things are beginning to spin, faster and faster. I've been given the opportunity to take on some additional responsibilities that will send me out of town occasionally. Just to Albany. But the purpose is to "network" with other agencies around the state. Let's be kind and say that I'm not a natural "networker." This will be intimidating and a little awkward for me. But, it's all growth, right? Additionally, I will be leaving one aspect of my job behind and moving full-time into another. This is bitter-sweet for me. I've been in my current position for 5 1/2 years, working intimately with a few families and watching their kids grow. But I have been offered a bright future in the newer position and I must move forward. It's not a promotion, but it's a chance to expand my skills (like networking) and my prospects. How's that for vague? Sorry, that's all I feel I can say right now.

Of course, my daughter continues to change. It seems like the dictionary exploded at our house, lately. Everyday she comes up with new words, new inflections, sentences, questions and jokes. She's off and running, quite literally. All over the place. I can't keep track of her. She's everywhere, into everything, on top of everything. Learning at a frightening pace. This is a girl on the move, running headlong into her own bright future.


And last night offered me another opportunity for change. I've decided to hate the Buffalo Bills. Ok, not really. But they certainly tested my patience and devotion last night! Man! Take a knee, son! Stop giving games away! Ahhh, such is the life and agony of a Bills fan. It's gonna be a long season.

Do I Let Her Fall? And other parental quandries...

Thud. Thud. Thud.

That's the sound of my blood pounding in my brain, my adrenaline all jacked up and ready to propel me across the yard to swoop up my crying baby.

She's climbing again, higher and more confidently every day. There she goes, scaling her way to the top of the fort, looking back at me for approval and applause. If I don't clap, she'll be upset. If I do, she'll let go and clap with me, which causes my blood pressure to soar and sparks that jolt of adrenaline. When I remind her to hold on, she'll yell at me and possibly stomp her feet, which makes me even more nervous. I'm caught in a no-win situation. So, I clap for her, I force a proud smile on my face. "Good job, Sweetie! Hold on, don't fall!"

Whew! She's down on the platform. Safe. But wait! She's turning around, working her little tush onto the top step, wedging herself in where she KNOWS she'll get "stuck!" She's done that before, and then I help her hop down, safe in my arms. But this time, she looks at me, "stuck!" she says, then she JUMPS out, almost before I can catch her! The adrenaline, it's flowing full-force.

She runs over to the first step to do it all over again. And again.


And I'm left asking myself, do I let her fall? Should I just let her jump down on her own? It's only a two foot drop, she won't get seriously hurt, maybe just bang her head against the fort, or land hard on her feet. Enough to scare her a little. But is that good parenting? To let your child do something a little risky, knowing the outcome, letting it happen anyway? I can't protect her forever. There are consequences to our actions. She needs to learn this. But she's so little! I'm there to keep her safe while she explores, figures out what she's capable of doing.

I'm pondering all of this while she keeps climbing. Now it's the slide. She's walking up it, not holding on, ducking her head to fit through the arch. She almost falls off the edge, but catches herself. She laughs a little nervously. She knows that was a close call. She looks at me to see how I'll react. I tell her, "Good catch, be careful, Chicaboo."

I'm weighing all of this against my own memories of childhood. I was a "climber," too. I would routinely climb high up into the tree tops and then get stuck, not knowing how to get down. I'd yell at my dad, "should I just jump?" "No, don't jump, Kam! Hang on, I'll come get you!" And he always did. Except for the one time I fell and broke my arm. But that didn't teach me not to climb. I had this insatiable need to scale things. So, you see, she gets it from me.

Later, after she's safely in bed, with no new bumps or bruises, I ask my husband. "Should I let her fall?" "I don't know...maybe."

This Is The Way We Brush Our Teeth

I feel that I owe it to my daughter to tell you all that the toothbrushing, it's going *well* these days. I say that with all sorts of trepidation because I don't want to jinx the damn thing!!

The Toddler Monster that lurks under this cute face has retreated into hiding, at least when the toothbrush comes out. She is now cooperating with brushing at least once a day. Hallelujah! I won't have to get her dentures at 2 years old!

Notice I mentioned that she's brushing at least once a day. That's because I am apparently not Mother Of The Year enough to get my sh*t together in the morning and get her to brush her teeth before we leave the house. Please don't call CPS on me. I'm trying. I keep joking in a kinda half serious way that I'm going to create a picture schedule for myself to remind me to get the kid's teeth brushed, along with all the other stuff that has to be done in the morning. "They" say picture schedules are great ways for kids to learn routines...I think "they" probably really mean they're great for Mommies.

So, as a public service announcement, what worked for me? Basically, I just kept at it. We bought her a cool electric toothbrush, she doesn't care for it. So I just kept handing her her toothbrush, making a big fat deal about how cool it is to brush your teeth, forced her to cooperate when she didn't want to, and....it seems to have worked. She's not yelling at me anymore, not contorting herself into a pretzel to get away from me when I have the toothbrush in my hand. She's even opening up her mouth to let me get the back teeth! Woohoo!

Thanks for all your support, everyone! I took every message to heart. Seriously. It really helped.

(Edited to add: See, I wasn't really kidding. I'm taking this home, coloring it, and sticking it up on her bedroom door to help me remember!)