Catching Up

My new evening ritual involves sitting in the upstairs hallway with a book, the light from the bathroom spilling out just enough to read. Not that I actually spend much time reading. No, I spend anywhere from 2 to 3 hours reminding Giuliana to go back to bed, putting her back in bed, rocking her and then putting her back in bed, chasing her around her room and then putting her back in bed, getting her more milk and then putting her back in bed. You get the idea. Last night I cleaned smeared Vaseline from her changing table, her legs, the floor, and then put her back to bed.

She, suddenly, doesn't sleep. It's been hot and our central AC is on the fritz. But this began before the hot weather. But it doesn't help. I blamed it on too long naps at my mother's but then Grandma was gone for a week and Giuliana didn't take a nap for 6 straight days. Still her nights were spent being chased back to bed. Some nights I finally fall into bed, exhausted from this new, unwelcome ritual, only to have her almost immediately crawling in beside me, her hot, wiggly little body smooshed against me despite the heat.

She is a wise little girl, though. She knows how infinitely cute she can be. "Giuliana, go back to bed," I state from my perch in the hallway as she peers out at me from the crack in her door. She yanks open the door and rushes to my side. She plants a big, wet kiss on my mouth and says, "Mommy, I wuv you!" Then she sits down and begins to sing "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star," with hand motions, while I crack up, forgetting I'm supposed to be stern and consistent about ushering her back to bed.

I keep telling myself it's only a phase. She'll eventually go back to quietly winding down and settling in by herself. If it's not a phase, please don't tell me. I prefer to believe this won't last. I confess to getting pretty frustrated around hour two of this little game. I start saying things I don't like to hear myself say. "Giuliana, you HAVE TO go to bed. I've had enough." "Giuliana, you aren't listening to Mommy and you're being naughty. Now go to bed." I check myself, though. Usually after only a moment or two. And I go back and gently put her back in bed. Give her her 4 millionth kiss of the night, wish her sweet dreams...again. I don't want to yell. I don't want to punish her because she can't unwind. But I do want her to go to sleep. I do want to have at least an hour to myself at the end of the day.

**********

It's potty training time at our house. It probably should have been potty training time a month or two ago. Giuliana is more than ready. She talks about the potty. She sits on the potty. She asks, begs to sit on the potty. She hasn't actually done anything on the potty yet, but she begs to sit there, none the less. But I have been putting it off. When it's warmer, I've told myself. When she can run around the house in just a pull-up and a tee-shirt. When I have more time to spend pumping her full of liquids and parading her up to the bathroom all day. But really, I'm just procrastinating. I don't know how to start, how to help her understand what she's supposed to do, how to explain. I'm worried the newness will wear off quickly and then she will begin to protest spending 10-15 minutes sitting and looking at books, no matter how fun I try to make it. I'm sure she'll be trained by the time she's ready for college. But no promises.


**********

PS: Has it been nearly two months since I wrote even a "Hello" on here?? How can that be? I just needed a break, it seems. I had absolutely no desire, no guilt over not posting. But now? I miss you all. XOXO